Just doing my best

The dangers of the internet

2009-07-21T11:52:00.002+01:00

If I didn't have such a propensity to research everything to the nth degree on the internet, I would not now be questioning the authority of a priest who I believe to be a good and holy man. I would be accepting his advice, and my conscience would be less troubled than it is now. Who am I, or anyone else, to question what he has told me? Isn't this an unacceptable form of arrogance in me to believe that I know better than him?

New Man and I are still reeling from receiving the news last week that we will almost certainly never be able to conceive naturally. The consultant recommended ICSI. At the moment we're looking into embryo adoption as an alternative.

I'm sorry to say that the pain of our situation is made much greater by what I have read on the internet about the Church's teaching on this issue (despite the priest telling me that we have a medical problem and he believes that, as long as no embryos were destroyed or 'discarded' in the process, ICSI would be an acceptable treatment for that medical problem, since we would be bringing a much-wanted and much-loved child into a Catholic marriage and bringing it up in the Catholic faith), and also by the attitude of some of my friends.

Adoption in the UK these days is a process fraught with difficulty for people like us. We have three major strikes against us in the eyes of social services - namely, that we are middle class, that we're a heterosexual couple who are married to each other, and that we are Catholic. We're just not the sort of people they're looking for. We also have many other problems with the process of adoption here, which I won't go into. Embryo adoption sounds to us like the best solution for all sorts of reasons, but whatever ends up happening, we know we have a hard road ahead of us and are as likely as not to end up having to accept that we will never know the joy of being parents.

I think I'm going to take a break from this blog for a while - maybe for ever - so let me take this opportunity once again of thanking you for your prayers. I hope you'll continue to pray for us as we struggle with this situation we're in.

Please pray for us

2009-07-18T18:20:00.003+01:00

New Man and I had some news this week which has really knocked us sideways, and we have some very difficult decisions to make. We'd really appreciate your prayers.

The pendulum swings

2009-07-14T13:07:00.003+01:00

After Vatican II, a lot of parishes threw out a lot that was good, beautiful and holy. The process continued throughout the 70s, 80s and even 90s, and many people have grown up knowing nothing of the beauty of the pre-Vatican II Mass, and having learnt very few, if any, hymns that were written before about 1970.

Some post-1970 'hymns' are absolutely dire. Some are trite and meaningless. Some have hopelessly unmelodious tunes. Some are actually heretical.

The pendulum has now begun to swing back, and many people are embracing the beauty and richness of the traditional form of the Mass. In so doing, some are rejecting anything that was written after Vatican II.

Now, I have lived in a number of different parishes - I moved house approximately once a year as a child. My mother is a church organist, and we used to help her to choose the hymns - always with a Missal in front of us to ensure that they fitted with the theme of the Mass. I spent many years as a member of a church choir, and for a large part of that time I was responsible for selecting the hymns for the Mass at which I played. I therefore have quite a wide repertoire of hymns, both new and old, and my favourite hymns include both old and new ones.

My experiences over the years have led me to the following conclusions:

1. What the choir wants to sing is not necessarily always what the congregation wants to hear

2. What the congregation wants to sing is usually what it knows well. Many people who enjoy singing hymns and consider that singing them is an important part of their participation in the Mass will be completely turned off by a Mass in which more than half of the hymns are unfamiliar. This means that music which is new to the congregation needs to be introduced gradually, and certainly not all in one go.

3. An average hymn which is sung by the majority of the congregation can be more meaningful than a beautiful hymn which nobody joins in with.

4. Some of the trite modern hymns are not heretical and express sentiments which actually fit quite well with the readings of a particular Mass. Some are even based on those readings.

5. We don't ban Humpty Dumpty because it's childish, but nor do we expect to hear it performed to an audience of adults at the Royal Albert Hall. There is an important place for 'children's hymns', but the main Sunday Mass of the parish is almost certainly not it.

I have happy memories connected with some modern hymns, and those memories mark some major points in my spiritual maturing (a process which is by no means complete). For instance, I remember learning 'Colours of day' when I was preparing for First Communion, and singing it with my class in a school weekday Mass. I remember the first all-night retreat I ever went on at the age of 15, which culminated in a Mass at dawn during which everyone lustily joined in with 'Our God reigns', and the emotions that this experience stirred in me.

I also remember hymns that I didn't understand at the time I learnt them - for instance, why did it matter that the green hill didn't have a city wall ("There is a green hill far away, without a city wall")?

I suppose what I'm saying (and I'm deliberately not linking to any recent posts I may have read poking fun at modern hymns, because actually a lot of what was said was very funny) is let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater. And let's remember that our spiritual journey may not have ended with 'I have seen the golden sunshine', but that might have been an important step along the way, and perhaps we shouldn't be pulling the ladder up behind us and preventing other people from benefiting from the same stepping stones (hmmm, nice mixed metaphor there).

Little green shoots

2009-06-08T10:51:00.002+01:00

The homily at yesterday's First Communion Mass was one of the best I've heard. The priest spoke directly to the children, in language that they could understand, but he didn't dumb down his message at all. I can't remember exactly the words he used, but this is the gist of what he said.

You're wearing special clothes today and everyone is celebrating because this is one of the most special days of your lives - you are about to receive the Body and Blood of Our Lord for the first time. This means that the Church thinks you are not babies any more, but are ready to join all the adults in beginning to take responsibility for your own faith and to participate fully in the life of the Church.

Now that you are receiving the Body and Blood of Our Lord, Jesus is calling you to be more like Him. (He then asked the children for examples of ways in which they could be more like Jesus, and he expanded on each of the examples they gave - generosity, kindness, standing up for what's right and gratitude.)

You need to nourish your faith and let it grow, because if you don't feed it, it will die and you might start to think that you don't need Jesus in your lives. The world often tells us that we don't need Jesus, and sometimes it's difficult to be a Christian.

People might sometimes think you're weak or not cool because you're Christian. Some people think that to be popular at school, you need to bully other people. Some people think that to be first, you need to push other people out of the way. Some people think that to be successful at work, you need to step on other people and make them fail.

We don't live that way, and some people might say you're not successful because you're not doing those things. But if you have faith and you believe in Jesus, you don't need to do all of those things, because your life is successful if you live the way Jesus wants you to live.

There are some pretty difficult messages in that, but the children really listened and seemed to take in what he was saying. At the end of Mass, he reiterated that they need to nourish their faith in order to let it grow. He then gave each child a little tomato plant as a symbol of their faith, and told them to remember to water and nourish that plant.

I had gone into the church with, if anything, slightly negative expectations. The music was absolutely not to my taste, and the church is being refurbished, so the Mass was in the parish hall. But the parish hall has been beautifully set up as a temporary church, and the congregation showed real reverence, as well as joy at the celebration. In particular, when the priest opened the tabernacle before Communion, not just the priest and the altar servers but everybody in the church genuflected until he had closed the tabernacle and carried the chalice to the altar.

My friend told me afterwards that the priest had insisted that not only the children, but also the parents, should be given lessons to prepare for the First Communion. She said she had never thought that someone without children could understand so well the challenges of bringing up a child, and that she had found the preparation very helpful.

The whole event really taught me something about judging by appearances. Yes, we may have 'processed' out to "We are marching in the name of God", with a number of people dancing behind the children, but technically the final blessing had taken place and Mass was over, so why not celebrate at that point? And those children - and their parents - had been beautifully and lovingly prepared for the celebration, and the priest made sure they understood the importance of this event in their lives.

I made my First Communion in 1976 and it still stands out in my memory as one of the most special days of my life. I think in 33 years' time, my godson will remember his First Communion in the same way - and who can ask for more than that?

New translation

2009-06-04T11:33:00.002+01:00

I've had a look at several parts of the new translation of the Mass, and agree that it's more beautiful and closer to the original than the current Novus Ordo effort. In many ways, that has to be a good thing. My brother who lives in South Africa responded very positively when the new translation was introduced in his church last year.

I can see there being objections, though. In fact, I have an objection myself - and petty though it is, it's something that really matters to me.

On the day I made my First Communion in 1976, my grandmother gave me a Missal. I have used that Missal ever since, and it reminds me of my First Communion and of my grandmother.

One of my godsons is making his First Communion this coming Sunday, and I really want to give him a present that he will be able to use on a regular basis and treasure all his life. Knowing that the new translation is due to come into use soon, I know there's no point in giving him a Missal for the current English translation of the Mass. I also know his family are unlikely ever to get into going to the Traditional Rite Mass, so there's no point in getting him a Missal for that.

I almost feel cheated out of being able to give him a meaningful present that will last him a lifetime. I may be influenced in this feeling by my father regularly expressing sadness throughout my childhood that he was unable to use the old Missal that he had received as a present for his First Communion in the late 1940s - he used to get it off the shelf to show it to us, but he couldn't use it in Mass.

On the other hand, at the moment there is no real universality in our Church. Even if I only intended it to last for a short while, I couldn't buy Missals here in the UK for my American or South African nephews and nieces, because there are enough small differences between the US and UK Mass that they would be noticed every week (little things like in the Creed, where we say "became incarnate from the Virgin Mary" and the US says "was born of the Virgin Mary" - I feel like an outsider whenever I stumble over that bit when I'm visiting them), and South Africa is already using the new translation, which is very different.

I'm sad that I can't get a special and lasting present for my godchildren, nephews and nieces, one that will be used regularly and remind them forever of one of the most important days of their lives. I know such nostalgic feelings aren't a reason to block positive progress, and I hope when the new translation is fully brought in the small differences between us and the US will disappear, making the Church feel properly universal again.

But I do think that if the new translation is to be received warmly by the majority of Catholics, it needs to be introduced with great sensitivity and these little feelings need to be acknowledged and not completely swept aside as unimportant.

A year today

2009-05-31T20:22:00.002+01:00

New Man and I have been married a whole year. It's been an amazing year - one with its ups and downs, its difficulties and its unexpected pleasures.

When we married, New Man was 45 and I was 38. We were both used to living on our own, and it wasn't always easy learning to live together. A year on, New Man almost always hangs his towel up properly in the bathroom and rinses the basin after he's shaved and then spread toothpaste everywhere, and I'm getting better at sorting out the mail straight away, shredding the junk mail with our address on, putting the rest of the junk in the recycling and filing the one or two important items rather than just leave everything to pile up over the weeks.

365 times, the last thing we've said to each other before we fall asleep is "I love you", and the first thing we've done in the morning is roll towards each other and kiss good morning.

We eat together, go for walks together, make plans together, laugh together (a lot), enjoy buying each other little presents, and pray together.

The first year of marriage has been great - we're both looking forward to many more.

Long summer evenings

2009-05-27T10:28:00.002+01:00

New Man and I have been having a bit of trouble fitting enough exercise into our schedule, but for the moment - at least as long as we have these lovely long summer evenings - I think we've got it cracked.

We live in a very hilly area, and over the last couple of weeks we have started going for a walk after supper every evening. We've got to know parts of the town that we hadn't seen before, slept well after a bit of healthy exercise, and - more than anything - enjoyed just being together and chatting about this and that.

There are so many distractions at home - television and chores to name just the two biggest - and it's easy to sit side by side all evening without ever actually communicating, slaves to the big box in the corner of the room. The distractions that we have on our walks - "Oooh, look at that", "Would you like to live in a house like that?", "What a beautiful sunset" - are things that make us talk to each other more rather than less, and we each spend most of the day looking forward to spending that time together in the evening.

My sister told me that my 2-year-old niece was looking at our wedding album this week at my parents' house, and having great fun pointing out all her relatives and naming them. She came to a picture of New Man and me walking out of the church holding hands and gleefully said our names, then in tones of great satisfaction she said, "They best friends."

I'm glad she noticed, and even gladder that she's right - and at the moment I'm really hoping it stops raining by this evening so I can go on my daily walk with my best friend.

Another whinge, I'm afraid

2009-05-26T13:33:00.002+01:00

I've got lots of nice positive things to talk about in the next few weeks, but today I'm feeling miserable. I'm just waiting for the fertility clinic to ring me back so I can make an appointment for some tests - I've been putting it off for ages, but now I just really need some answers. New Man is being very supportive, and he wants this as badly as I do, so we share the feelings of crushing disappointment every 26 days or so, then pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and get ready to board the rollercoaster again.

Over the last year (14 lots of 26 days, in case you haven't been counting as obsessively as we have), we've learnt an awful lot - about ourselves and about each other. I've also learnt what sometimes seems like a whole new language as I communicate in abbreviations with other women who are going through the same thing - the internet is a great thing for bringing people together like this. I've had all sorts of needles stuck in me, taken huge quantities of Chinese herbs, and prayed and prayed and prayed.

I know God is listening, but what if motherhood is not part of His plan for me? What if He is actually trying to push me a different way? When do I give up and start listening to what God really wants me to do? I want this so badly, but if God wants me to do something else instead, I need to try to subordinate my will to His.

So now I'm waiting for a phone call, then I'll be waiting probably about four weeks for an appointment, then a bit longer to get all the tests done and hear the results, and then we'll know.

I suppose I'm asking for your prayers again - that we get to be parents, but if that doesn't happen, that we learn to accept it and follow God's Will, whatever that may be.

Still alive...

2009-05-24T22:30:00.003+01:00

Well, I suppose Communications Sunday is as good a day as any to try to start posting more regularly again...

So, what's been going on?

Well, Beth has had her beautiful little boy, and John Paul was baptised this weekend. I'm enjoying looking at his pictures and hearing how he and Madeleine and enjoying each other.

I've been praying daily for little Jonah and his family. Jonah is a beautiful little boy who was born in February with a rare genetic skin disorder called Epidermolysis Bullosa. His mother posts regular updates on his condition, and I hope it gives her some comfort to know that there are people all over the world who are praying for her family.

I've also been praying for Faith Hope, who was diagnosed in the womb with anencephaly. Her mother was strongly advised to "terminate" her, and told that she had a 0% chance of survival, but Faith defied the odds and lived for just over three months. Her mother's blog was a wonderfully positive message of love for Faith and for God, and I hope all the photos, videos and memories that Myah has of Faith and the faith that she has in God will be a comfort to her in the weeks and months to come.

Life has been pretty busy here, and I have a few things I hope to blog about if I have time over the next few weeks. I've kept thinking I must get back before I get culled from Mac's blogroll, so I'm off to bed now, but will hopefully be back on here tomorrow.

Night night.

A stress-free life

2009-03-07T08:28:00.004Z

In the last week, I've been told by two people - an acupuncturist and a facial massage therapist (yes, I'm living the high life at the moment!) - that my body is exhibiting unusually high levels of stress. It's funny, because most people see me as quite a calm person, but in reality, I'm like a swan - calm and serene on the surface, but paddling like fury under the water.

So, what's causing all this stress? Well, it could be the whole trying-but-not-yet-succeeding-to-make-a-baby thing. Or it could be a problem I've had at work that I've been trying to solve. Or it could be the fact that we haven't had a free weekend for months and little jobs around the house have been neglected. Or it could be a million and one other things.

But I think what all this stress boils down to is that I'm a world champion procrastinator. It's not that I'm lazy. But if I have to write an article and the deadline is in a week's time, I'll spend six days researching and reading round the topic and one day madly trying to get the thing written to meet the deadline. If I have three weeks, the proportion is 20 days' research, one day's panicked writing. And so on... This was manageable when I lived alone, but is a lot harder now that I have to cook for New Man and keep the household ticking over, and I want to spend time with him, and he hates me staying up until 4 in the morning or getting up ridiculously early to work.

A very simple illustration of how I cause myself stress is that I (hang my head in shame as I admit that I) haven't finished my Christmas thank-you letters. I only have one still to write, but if you added up all the time I've spent complaining to New Man that it hasn't been done (he needs to write to the same aunt, and he hasn't done it either), worrying about how rude my aunt will think I am, and adding it to to-do lists, I could have written the blasted thing 86 times over.

I hate being ruled by advertising hype, but I really need to 'Just Do It'. I should get the Nike tick tattooed on my wrist or something, to remind myself to get on with it. But maybe not today...

Third time lucky?

2009-03-05T08:44:00.000Z

Or maybe fourth. Or fifth. Or...

Maybe tomorrow...

2009-03-03T21:24:00.000Z

I'll get to that post on procrastination soon...

Procrastination...

2009-03-02T10:18:00.001Z

I've got so many posts floating around in my head, and just don't seem to find the time to sit down and write any of them. I've got a good one about procrastination - perhaps I'll write it tomorrow...

Great book for children

2009-02-16T09:40:00.003Z

One of the things I really miss about living in London is the ability to go to the Catholic Truth Society shop and St Paul's Bookshop by Westminster Cathedral on a regular basis. This weekend, New Man and I were in Bath, where we found a little Catholic bookshop and had a very happy half hour or so browsing (and purchasing).

One of the books we bought was this little book, for my nieces (also available online).

I think it's the best children's Mass book I've seen - it has spaces for the child to write or draw in what the readings are about each week and who and what they're praying for, and is wipe-clean so that it can be used again and again. It has the full text of each of the prayers which are said by the congregation, so that a child who is beginning to read can join in.

But the best bit is that there's no dumbing-down. Here's what it says about the Consecration:

"The priest remembers what Jesus said and did at his Last Supper. He says and does the same...

I will hear a bell at this part of the Mass as it is so important. When the bell rings I will look up at the bread. It is now Jesus, the Bread of Life. Then I will look up at the wine. It is now Jesus, the Cup of Salvation...

The bread and wine have been changed into Jesus. This is the great mystery which we believe in. To show our belief we say one of these prayers."

And at Communion:

"We go to the altar and receive Jesus, the Food and Drink of Life.

Jesus, this is a very special time for us. I love you Jesus. I enjoy this quiet time. I will talk to you in my heart...

The priest and altar servers clear away everything that was used for the Holy Meal. The altar is empty now, but the people in Church are filled with God's special gift of Jesus.

Jesus is with us and we are the Body of Christ."

And then there's the positive message at the end of Mass:

"At the end of Mass there may be a hymn to sing. I will join in joyfully, just as I would at a party.

Mass has ended, but it has made us strong for our work and play during the week.

Thank you for making me kind and loving through this Holy Mass."

The book encourages the child to sit still and listen to the readings, to listen to the Homily or, if the priest is "talking to the grown-ups", to think about the Gospel and imagine he was there. It encourages the child to join in the responses with the congregation and also to say his own prayers at various points throughout the Mass.

Rather than distract the child to stop him from playing up, it explains to him what's going on and involves him in the prayer of the whole community.

My only regret is that we only bought one copy...

¡ɹǝɥʇɐǝʍ pɐq ɥʇıʍ ƃuıdoɔ ǝןqnoɹʇ ǝʌɐɥ ʎןןɐǝɹ ǝʍ

2009-02-03T09:40:00.002Z

¡¡uʍop ǝpısdn pןɹoʍ ɹno suɹnʇ ʎןןɐǝɹ ɹǝɥʇɐǝʍ pɐq ɟo ʇıq ǝןʇʇıן ɐ 'ǝǝs uɐɔ noʎ sɐ 'puɐןƃuǝ uı ǝɹǝɥ ˙ʍous ɟo sǝɥɔuı ʍǝɟ ɐ ɥʇıʍ ǝdoɔ uɐɔ ɥɔıɥʍ sɐǝɹɐ uı ǝʌıן oɥʍ noʎ ɟo ǝsoɥʇ ɹoɟ sıɥʇ ʇsod oʇ pǝʇuɐʍ ʇsnɾ ı ˙ʞɹoʍ ǝɯos ɥʇıʍ uo ʇǝƃ ʇsnɯ ı sɐ 'ʇsod ʞɔınb ʎɹǝʌ ɐ sı sıɥʇ

Encouraging a child

2009-01-27T20:18:00.003Z

Here's another great story, which shows the importance of listening to children and encouraging them. Blue Peter was one of my favourite programmes as a child - entertaining, always different, and I was accidentally being educated as I watched it.

This will give you a flavour of the story - follow the link for the rest of it:

At the age of nine few children know what they will go on to do with their lives. But for a scientist involved in one of the most revolutionary medical operations of recent times, his destiny appears to have been spelled out in a letter written 35 years ago, to a BBC children's programme.
It had been a heck of a year for Professor Anthony Hollander. In 2008, after 20 years of research into helping arthritis sufferers he unexpectedly found himself being asked to urgently adapt his skills to help save the life of a woman in Spain.
The groundbreaking treatment, by a team of scientists and surgeons, gave the woman a new windpipe using her own stem cells. He had helped save a dying woman and the successful operation made headlines around the world. It was, by any measure, a career high.
After it was all over Mr Hollander got to thinking, and suddenly made a connection. In 1973, a nine-year-old Anthony Hollander had written to Blue Peter to tell them he had a "strange" belief that he knew how to "make people or animals alive".
The letter, which by his own admission today was "eccentric", went on to ask the programme to help him acquire the necessary materials to carry out these life-saving tasks.
The shopping list included a "model of a heart split in half" and "tools for cutting people open".
Thousands of children wrote to the programme every week, but each one received a personal letter back, and Anthony was no exception.
The response from then editor, Biddy Baxter, was "fundamental" to his future, he now believes. She encouraged him to seek information for his idea from the family doctor.
It was not so much the advice itself that left an impression on the boy. It was that whisper of encouragement that he gleaned from having received a reply at all, and that the letter did not dismiss his idea.
"If her letter had shown any hint of ridicule or disbelief I might perhaps never have trained to become a medical scientist or been driven to achieve the impossible dream, and really make a difference to a human being's life," he says.

You can read the rest of the story here. Oh, and I just looked the guy up, and he's had a lot of success in his research with ADULT stem cells. Just so you know...

Meera's mother-in-law

2009-01-24T11:01:00.003Z

Here's a great story I came across the other day (here):

One day Meera woke up and found herself married to the man of her dreams. Although the marriage had been arranged, she discovered within a week of the ceremony that he was the most kind, attentive, supportive and loving husband she could ever have wished for - and it didn't hurt that he was also rich.

Her life would have been wonderful, except for one thing. His mother. She lived with them and tended to think that she was in charge of the household. Not only that, but whatever Meera did, it was never good enough for her son. She carped and complained all day long and made the girl's life a misery - except in the evenings when her son was at home, when ghee wouldn't melt in her mouth.

Every night the girl prayed that she would die, but when the old woman woke up every morning glowing with health and, if anything, getting stronger and healthier as time went by, she decided to take matters into her own hands. In desperation, she visited a man in a nearby village who was renowned for his knowledge of herbs, and she begged him to give her the means to poison the old woman.

At first, he tried to dissuade her. But when he realised she was serious (the clincher being the amount of money she was prepared to pay), he prepared an ointment for her and told her to massage it into the old woman's feet. He promised her that her troubles would be over within a month.

That night, the girl tentatively offered the old woman a foot massage, which was accepted with bad grace and 'suffered' with many a complaint. As it was the next night, and the next. It was only the fact that her husband was so pleased with his wife's kindness towards his mother - and the thought that it was only going to last another 28 days at most - that kept her going.

Soon the foot massage became an evening ritual, and by the end of the first week the old woman had stopped complaining. She accepted the 'homage' the girl was paying her as her right. (Only three weeks to go.)

On the third day of the second week, she said thank you. (Ha! Only two and a half weeks to go.)

At the beginning of the third week, she started telling stories about when she was young. (Two more weeks.)

Then the stories started to include the birth of her son and what he had been like when he was a little boy. Despite herself, the girl wanted to know more.

On the second morning of the fourth week, the girl woke up with a terrible feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach. The old woman was going to die. She herself was going to be a murderess. She was killing the mother of the man she loved. But it was more than that. In the last few days, she had actually enjoyed the evening ritual. She enjoyed the stories. She even enjoyed the soothing feeling of giving the massage. She enjoyed giving pleasure. And now she came to think about it, her mother-in-law hadn't complained about anything for quite a while. Not anything. Yesterday she had asked Meera's advice about which sari she should buy. And, even today, she had promised to teach her the secret recipe of her husband's favourite dish.

As soon as she could leave the house without arousing suspicion, Meera raced to the next village to the house of the old man. He recognised her immediately and smiled as he pointed to a large bowl of ointment sitting on a side table. 'Oh thank you, thank you,' she whispered. 'I'm so ashamed.' Without looking him in the eye, she picked up the bowl and left in its place much more than twice the sum of money she'd given him the first time.

Just as she was leaving, she suddenly stopped and looked back. 'How did you know I would want the antidote?' she asked.

'Antidote?' he replied with a twinkle. 'I don't know what you mean. I just know that I prepare the best foot massage ointment in the world. Everyone always wants more.'

Adoption

2009-01-23T09:30:00.003Z

After another rough week, I've been looking into adoption this week. I had previously read that in the UK, they will only approve people to adopt children who are less than 40 years younger than the older adopter. Since New Man is now 46, this would have meant we couldn't adopt a baby or toddler.

I now find that, at least in our area, the maximum age difference is 50 years. You have no idea what a relief it is to read something like that - it means we still have a good couple of years to work on this.

My oldest and best friend was adopted as a baby. When she got married, she decided she wanted to find her birth family, and her parents supported her in this. She found her birth mother, found out a bit about the circumstances of her birth, met her birth sister and got a bit of medical history which was useful when she had children. And that was it. There has never been any question that the people who brought her up from the age of six weeks are her 'real' parents.

I also have two cousins who are adopted. No secret has ever been made of the fact that my uncle and aunt adopted them as babies, and they are as much part of the family as any of the cousins.

These days, adoption in the UK is a little more complicated. For a start, in the majority of cases the adoptive parents are required to maintain some level of contact between the child and its birth family. I don't see how, if my child was regularly visiting or having contact with its birth mother, I could ever feel as though I was its 'real' mother. I would always feel as though I was answerable to someone else on the way I was bringing the child up. My friend's daughter has schoolfriends who are adopted and have contact with their birth families, and it can cause disruption and confusion in their lives.

Also, thanks to a combination of the prevalence of abortion and the UK social services' obsession with keeping children in the most chaotic and abusive households for as long as possible, there are very few babies and toddlers available for adoption in this country, and many of the children who are put forward for adoption have already suffered deep psychological (and often physical) damage.

Because of my experience of working overseas, I have always been interested in the idea of an overseas adoption, and I think this is the route we would go down. In many ways, I would be happy if we could have a birth child and an adopted child (or even more than one of each). We have plenty of love to go round, and would love to give a home to a child that needed it, and become that child's parents.

Unfortunately, from the stuff I was reading last night it seems that it would not be an option for us to try for both at the same time. For both domestic and overseas adoptions, you need first to be approved for adoption by UK social services. One of the criteria for them even to consider a couple for adoption is that they must have completed all infertility investigations and treatment (and have a note signed by their doctor to that effect) before applying to become adoptive parents.

Armed with the knowledge of everything I have read this week, I think we now have a plan. 2009 will be the Year of Trying For A Baby. We'll give it our best shot, and then we'll see - will 2010 be the Year of The Birth? Or will it the Year of The Adoption? Or even both?

A tiny gesture

2009-01-16T18:25:00.002Z

I think I've mentioned before that my brother in South Africa is divorced and his wife is not Catholic. They take their children to Mass every Sunday, and my sister-in-law often also takes them on weekdays, and since none of them is able to receive Communion, the whole family goes up together for a blessing.

At Christmas, the church was so crowded that the congregation spilled out through every open door. My brother's family spent most of the Mass outside the church. When the time came for Communion, Extraordinary Ministers came to the doors to administer Communion to those who had not been able to get inside. My brother and his family wanted to receive a blessing from the priest, and so they found a way through the crowd and eventually managed to get inside the church, at the far end of the aisle from the altar.

Unfortunately, everyone inside the church had already received Communion, and the priest was on his way back up the altar steps. The family paused briefly, then began to turn and make their way back outside, disappointed that they had not been able to receive their Christmas blessing.

As they began to turn round, the priest noticed them and beckoned them forward. He came back down the altar steps to meet them, and blessed each of them in turn. That simple gesture made their Christmas, and a lifetime of gestures like it from good, holy men is the reason why despite many difficulties, people like my brother remain faithful to the Church.

Oooh, cool - I got an award!

2009-01-12T08:28:00.003Z

Thank you, Leutgeb! This must mean my number of readers is up to at least five, if not seven!

The rules are:

Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass the award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.
Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author and the name of the blog from whom he/she has received the Award.
Each Superior Scribbler must display the award on his/her blog, and link to this post, which explains the award.
Each Blogger who wins the Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List (scroll down). That way, we’ll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives this prestigious honour!
Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

Well, I know Leutgeb got it from Mac, but I'm going to give it to her again anyway - she may be the first Super Scribbler With Bar. Other Super Scribblers I visit regularly in Blogworld are Beth, Colleen and Jen.

Yes, yes, I know that's only four, but I can't choose between the others that I read regularly - if you think you deserve one, consider yourself on my list!

He knows what He's doing

2009-01-07T19:47:00.000Z

In 1986, I was devastated when my A level results were not enough to get me into university. I had to go back to school and take my A levels again, and I thought my world was going to end.

Only a year later, I knew that this failure was the best thing that had ever happened to me. It was while I was retaking my exams that I rediscovered a love of learning that I had somehow lost on moving from primary to secondary school but that has shaped my career since then.

In 1991, I had a couple of crushing disappointments. I applied for a scholarship, and everyone was stunned when I didn't get it. I applied for a job, and wept buckets when I didn't get that either.

Six months later, what I got instead was way better than anything I had imagined the previous year, and set me off on a path which led to spiritual and intellectual fulfilment, a stimulating career and some wonderful life-long friendships.

In 2005, I had the worst three months of my life so far. My unhappiness led indirectly to a new career, a new home and ultimately to my meeting my now husband. Although there are day-to-day frustrations in any job, this is my dream job. My house is a real home, and I've made more wonderful new friends in my new neighbours.

Over the last few days, I've been thinking about 2008. The end of the year didn't bring me what I wanted, and I've been quite sad about that.

But my life changed for ever in the middle of the year. I loved the first five months - planning my wedding, looking forward to the day when all the people I loved would be gathered together and I would stand in front of them to profess my love for the kindest, most caring and patient man you could imagine.

And I loved the next seven months, as New Man and I got used to living together, lived through countless new experiences together and looked forward again to many more.

I would have been delighted with a honeymoon baby, but I see now that it wouldn't have been right for us. We're both getting on a bit, and had lived alone for long enough to get set in our ways. We've learnt more about each other and about ourselves in the last seven months than we could ever have done if we'd been preparing for the imminent arrival of a baby.

I often tell people that everything that's happened in my life makes perfect sense - but only in retrospect. And yet here I've been, desperate to move on to the next stage before I was ready. I was bursting with impatience, but God knew the time wasn't right.

I hope and pray that it will happen for us in 2009. I know that each month it doesn't happen, I'll still be disappointed. But I know if it happens, it'll be in God's time, not mine. And at last I think I'm OK with that.

Twelfth Night

2009-01-06T20:07:00.003Z

New Man and I have just had a wonderful two weeks together. We spent a week celebrating Christmas with my family, topped and tailed with a day at each end with New Man's family. It was my youngest niece's first Christmas, and our first Christmas as man and wife. My father declared it the best Christmas ever - and I'm not going to argue.

We then came back and celebrated New Year with some dear friends, then battened down the hatches and spent four days just relaxing together. We pottered about, doing little jobs around the house, chatting, reading and generally just enjoying each other's company.

We went back to work yesterday, and New Man is working late tonight. I've made some supper, taken down the Christmas decorations, moved the Three Wise Men into the crib and lit the candles in front of the now-complete crib scene.

The crib needs a small amount of explanation. The stable and most of the figures were bought by my brother and his then girlfriend (now my sister-in-law) on a trip to Oberammergau. The figures are all hand-carved, and cost way more than they could afford at the time. The one thing they just couldn't stretch to was the Three Wise Men.

That was about 10 years ago, and ever since then I've been looking out for the Magi to complete the set. Last December, my sister and brother-in-law took me on a surprise trip to Munich, and we went round the Christmas markets there. There is one section of the market which is completely given over to hand-carved crib figures. Unfortunately, this being a surprise trip right at the beginning of December, I hadn't checked my existing figures, and hadn't even seen them since the previous Twelfth Night. I had to guess which figures would go best with the existing set.

Being taller and lighter in colour than all the local characters, I suspect my Wise Men may have come from the North, rather than the East...

I hope all three of my readers had a very happy and blessed Christmas, and wish you a very happy 2009.

Happy Christmas

2008-12-23T09:01:00.002Z

Not that you'd notice at the moment, but I'm going to be offline for a few days now. Have a very happy and blessed Christmas, and hopefully I'll be back more regularly in the new year.

Struggling on manfully...

2008-12-13T11:29:00.003Z

This story could have been written about me - except that I haven't quite given in to it yet. In fact, I'm about to go Christmas shopping in Watford on a Saturday, which is bad enough when you're healthy...

Full brain

2008-12-04T09:11:00.003Z

I think any woman who has spent several months trying to get pregnant will have had a stage where it was all that she could think about - where it seemed to occupy every waking thought, every hope, every dream and every prayer.

Most women I know in that situation have also had one month where they were absolutely convinced their prayers had been answered. Every little twinge in their body is noticed and interpreted to the nth degree, and the hope and excitement build up until they can hardly bear to wait another day for the confirmation of what they *know* to be true.

The disappointment when it turns out that yet again it hasn't happened is crushing. I don't think anybody who hasn't been through it can understand the feeling of failure and despair, and the fear that it's never going to happen.

So that was my November. The sickness turned out to be a tummy bug, and the exhaustion turned out to be the natural result of the amount of work I've been doing recently.

I know it's only been six months, but this is all I've really wanted out of life since I was a little girl. I'm 39 and desperately afraid that I'm going to be too old soon. I'm afraid to go for tests in case they show up problems other than the one we already know about (and which turned out not to be totally insurmountable after all). I'm afraid that any changes in my body which I attributed to pregnancy last month might actually be down to early menopause. I'm also afraid that I'm turning into an obsessive bore.

So that's why I haven't been blogging - my brain was full. But after the emotional rollercoaster of November, I'm going to try to relax about it in December and think about other stuff. After all, nobody thinks much about children around Christmas time, do they...?

Potluck

2008-11-13T17:31:00.001Z

One of the things we didn't enjoy about our trip to Jersey was the Mass we went to. When we walked into the church, I almost walked straight out again - I wasn't sure if it was actually a Catholic church.

There were huge projector screens each side of the altar, onto which the words of the hymns (with several misspellings - another of my pet peeves) were projected during the Mass. I've only ever seen this in Baptist and Pentecostal churches before, and I've always thought it was because the stuff they were singing was too new and radical to be in the hymn book.

The room was half-full, but from the noise level as we went in you would have thought it was packed to the rafters - I've never heard such a racket before Mass. The seating was on ordinary chairs, and we eventually discovered that if you wanted to kneel down, you were expected to collect a cushion from the back on your way in.

For all their friendliness with each other, I couldn't say the congregation were particularly welcoming to strangers - given that the people on every side of us turned their backs on us and ignored us during the (extremely long, due to the deacon's desire to shake hands with half the congregation) sign of peace.

There was an 'animator' who led the singing, and he leapt up to the microphone before Mass began to introduce his little sideshow. He began by saying that he had received positive feedback on the "more powerful" music that had been sung the previous week and had been asked for more of the same, so was going to make a start... and then he got some sort of silly wig out of his 'prop bag' and put it on, to gales of laughter from the 'audience'. I have seldom seen anything so inappropriate.

The priest wasn't actually allowed much involvement in the Mass - it was mostly taken over by the deacon. The deacon himself seemed mostly preoccupied throughout the Mass with checking that his microphone was on - and after each check, he usually cracked some sort of joke. He gave the homily, and although I tried very hard to concentrate, my mind started to wander once I realised how much of it was about himself.

I did eventually spot the tabernacle, tucked away to the side of the church. It couldn't have been more central, because the central 'stage' was taken up with the two huge projector screens.

I came away with two overriding thoughts.

First, that this was some sort of penance visited on New Man and me because we had looked at the Mass times for the island and chosen to go to the one which gave us the longest lie-in (although to be fair to us, it was also at the Catholic church which was closest to our hotel).

And secondly, I pondered that the problem with the Novus Ordo Mass is that when you're in a parish that's not your own, you have no idea what you're going to get. You could attend a beautiful, reverently celebrated Mass which fills you with peace. You could attend a Mass celebrated by a wise and prayerful priest who speaks to your soul in his sermon and leaves an indelible impression on you.

Or you could go to a Mass like this. And until you get there, you have no idea what you're letting yourself in for.

Weekend away

2008-11-12T15:41:00.001Z

We spent last weekend in Jersey. Look what fabulous weather we had...

It was a bit breezy by the sea, and the tide was in so that we couldn't walk out to the Corbiere Lighthouse (there's a causeway somewhere under those rolling waves that gets uncovered at low tide).

But the weather was ridiculously warm on Sunday, and we had some lovely walks along the beach - I even took my shoes and socks off and went for a little paddle in the sea.

Life has been very hectic lately - work has been very busy and very stressful, New Man had Man Flu a couple of weeks ago, I had a severe recurrence of back pain from a slipped disc, we've had a lot of social engagements that we couldn't get out of, we're trying to sell New Man's house without much success, and we were both feeling really run down.

Getting away from it all and just taking the chance to be together and talk with no interruptions and no distractions was just bliss. We talked about some big important things and some little trivial things, and just enjoyed each other's company.

In all the rush and hassle of everyday life, it's easy for us to put each other low down on the priority list and not to make time for each other. I think this weekend has been really good for our relationship, and I feel closer to New Man than I have done for a while.

Divorce lawyers often have a bumper crop of new clients after Christmas and other holiday seasons, because couples who don't usually spend much time together see more of each other and don't enjoy what they see. I feel very blessed that the more time I spend with New Man, the more we enjoy each other's company. I hope I never forget that, and remember in future to make more time to be with him when things get tough, and not less.

Remembrance Day

2008-11-11T11:00:00.003Z

THE FINAL INSPECTION

The soldier stood and faced God,

Which must always come to pass.

He hoped his shoes were shining,

Just as brightly as his brass.

'Step forward now, you soldier,

How shall I deal with you?

Have you always turned the other cheek?

To My Church have you been true?

'The soldier squared his shoulders and said,

'No, Lord, I guess I ain't.

Because those of us who carry guns,

Can't always be a saint.

I've had to work most Sundays,

And at times my talk was tough.

And sometimes I've been violent,

Because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a penny,

That wasn't mine to keep...

Though I worked a lot of overtime,

When the bills got just too steep.

And I never passed a cry for help,

Though at times I shook with fear..

And sometimes, God, forgive me,

I've wept unmanly tears.

I know I don't deserve a place,

Among the people here.

They never wanted me around,

Except to calm their fears.

If you've a place for me here, Lord,

It needn't be so grand.

I never expected or had too much,

But if you don't, I'll understand.

There was a silence all around the throne,

Where the saints had often trod.

As the soldier waited quietly,

For the judgment of his God.'

Step forward now, you soldier,

You've borne your burdens well.

Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,

You've done your time in Hell.'

Author Unknown

UN petition

2008-11-10T13:48:00.003Z

I may be a bit behind the game, but I received the following by e-mail today. I have signed the petition, and think this needs to be publicised as widely as possible.

On December 10th, radical pro-abortion groups will present petitions asking the UN General Assembly to make abortion a universally recognized human right.
We have met the challenge and you can help.
We have initiated a petition drive that calls for governments to interpret the Universal Declaration of Human Rights as protecting the unborn child from abortion. Along with a coalition of pro-life groups from around the world, we will present our petitions at a press conference at UN headquarters.
So far, in only three weeks we have generated 46,417 names endorsing our petition; that is 15,000 a week! I now fully expect that we will present 100,000 names on December 10th, the 60th Anniversary of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
In order for this to happen, though, I need your help and I need it now.
If you have not signed the petition, do so now HERE or by going directly to http://www.c-fam.org/ and clicking on the icon "UN Petition for the Unborn Child." Then, after you have signed the petition, send this email or one of your own to ALL OF YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS!
If you have already signed the petition, send this email or one of your own to ALL OF YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS and urge them to sign it.
What we are trying to do is create a real global internet campaign that will shock the pro-abortion radicals at the UN on December 10th! To help you, the petition has been translated into 11 different languages and each can be found HERE or by going to http://www.c-fam.org/
So, please act now. Go HERE or here http://www.c-fam.org/ and sign the petition. Then send this message or one of your own to ALL OF YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS.
Yours sincerely,
Austin Ruse
President
C-FAM
PS We absolutely must submit more names to the UN than the pro-abortion radicals. They are bigger, richer and stronger than we are. So, act now; sign the petition HERE or go here http://www.c-fam.org/. And send this message to everyone you know!

I've looked into this a little bit. The pro-abortion petition is being presented to the UN on 10 December by Marie Stopes International. As far as I can make out, it currently has 632 signatures, compared to over 67,000 on the C-FAM petition. I don't know whether this figure is accurate, though - there is an indication on the C-FAM site that the counter on the Marie Stopes site has been disabled, so we can't necessarily trust that number. Clearly, the more signatures there are on the C-FAM petition, the better the chance of defeating the pro-abortion radicals on 10 December.

What credit crunch?

2008-11-07T11:11:00.003Z

You know Frasier Crane's father's recliner? Well, New Man had a scruffy old recliner that made that thing look classy. And you know we had that reading from the Book of Ruth at our wedding: "Wherever you go, I will go..."? Well, it turns out that it wasn't about New Man and me. It was about New Man and his recliner. He was not going to be parted from that thing.

Sadly for New Man and his comfy old piece of landfill, a woman has ways of making things happen. I finally managed to convince him that his recliner was too big for the place he wanted to put it. The deal was that I would get him a nice new one of his choice for his birthday, if he would get rid of the old one.

His birthday is now fast approaching. I suggested that we might have to cancel it because of the credit crunch, but I couldn't bear the mournful look on his face. I then suggested that having already had seven more birthdays than I have had, perhaps he should stop being so fanatical about it and let me catch up a bit, but that didn't wash either. So on Saturday we struggled out to Watford to look at recliners.

After much sitting and contentedly sighing in various chairs around the store (and sampling the free freshly-baked cookies a few times - nice touch, Furniture Village!), we finally ended up with this (though not in this colour):

And it's so comfortable that New Man ended up buying me one for Christmas as well, so we'll be reclining in tandem. And I feel we can sit back with a clear conscience, knowing we've done our bit for the local economy in these difficult times...

It's a while since we had a silly joke...

2008-10-30T22:09:00.002Z

So, why do Communists always make their tea with a teabag?

Because proper tea is theft.

I only got a C for Latin O level

2008-10-27T08:07:00.003Z

... but something has been niggling at me.

You know when we say, "Domine, non sum dignus..."? Well, if I'm talking about myself as being unworthy at that time, rather than making a general statement about the unworthiness of the congregation as a whole, should I (and all female members of the congregation) not be saying, "non sum digna" instead? I mean, I know you use the masculine form if it's a generic statement, but how can a statement in the first person be generic (unless it's plural - "non summus digni" I'd accept as correct)? And surely in any case this is meant to be a personal prayer.

Just wondering...

Pig ignorant

2008-10-21T12:56:00.004+01:00

I haven't done one of these for a while, so I thought I'd try this little test that I found over at Mac's place. She, being a blogger supremo extraordinaire, got 7 out of 8 right. How does she know this stuff?

I am more of a humble pig ignorant blogger, and this was my result:

Do You Even Know What a Blog Is?

You got 1/8 correct!

What the heck are you doing at Blogthings?

How Much Do You Know About Blogging?

In denial

2008-10-20T10:17:00.003+01:00

This weekend, we celebrated my niece's second birthday. Not that she would admit it - when we arrived at the party she was busy refusing to open her presents from her godfather, while her 4-year-old sister danced around next to her almost bursting with excitement and offering to open the presents for her.

She was eventually persuaded to open the presents, but she refused point blank to blow out the two candles on her birthday cake. She also had the following conversation several times over the weekend:

"Is it your birthday?"

"Nooooo" (shaking head vehemently).

"Are you two?"

"NOOOO!"

I'm not altogether surprised. I mean, I'd be in serious denial if I woke up one morning and someone told me my age had doubled overnight.

Keeping my head down

2008-10-16T18:11:00.002+01:00

We've had a spate of 'rightsizing' in the office in the last month. Yes, apparently that's the new name for sacking someone because in a downturn you want to maintain the level of profit growth you had in the upturn. Others might call it corporate greed and lack of human compassion.

The thing is, the Big Bosses haven't officially announced any of the redundancies, haven't told us anything about what's going on and why, and, most importantly, haven't told us whether they think they've done enough yet. Every week we hear about a few more people who have been called into a meeting, come out looking crestfallen and been given only enough time to clear their desks before being cast aside like dust from someone's shoe.

This means everyone is looking round thinking, "Who's next?" Of course, we feel desperately sorry for the people who have already lost their jobs, and the empty desks are a constant reminder of the times we're living in. But now rumours are flying about who has gone, who might be next, and what justification is being given for the departures.

The latest rumour is that everyone's diaries are being reviewed to see how busy they are. We haven't been told this officially, of course, and since we are all supposed to keep our diaries electronically and make them available on the intranet so that anyone else in the firm can access them, the review can be done without most people's knowledge.

In the meantime, the owners of the gym which helped me to lose 30 pounds for my wedding have just announced that they're closing it at the end of this month. Apparently it is profitable. Just not profitable enough. And it doesn't fit in with the corporate image of the wider organisation, so despite its huge popularity, it has to go.

The depressing thing in tough economic times is that the people who make the decisions seem to know the price of everything and the value of nothing. So while I wait for economic recovery, which will come eventually just as it always has done in the past, I keep my head down, work harder than ever, pray for the people I know who have lost their jobs, and hope the axe doesn't fall any closer to home.

With the whole keeping-my-head-down-and-working-till-I-drop thing going on, blogging may be a bit light over the next couple of months.

A pretty good cake

2008-10-10T09:20:00.001+01:00

This is the cake that my niece and I made for Grandfather's birthday. I think she would have liked to cover the whole top with chocolate chips, but we were running out of time, so she made do with jelly babies once I told her time was nearly up.

The cake itself was a little bit experimental, but it worked REALLY well. We used the yogurt cake recipe I mentioned once before, but we added to it a cup of chocolate chips. I then iced it with cocoa butter icing. We will DEFINITELY be making this variation again - it was delicious!

Icing the cake

2008-10-09T09:12:00.000+01:00

The reason I borrowed my nieces at the weekend was so I could take them as a birthday surprise for my father, whose birthday was on Sunday. He loves all his grandchildren, but has a special bond with the 4-year-old, as when she was a year old my sister was very ill and my parents spent a lot of time looking after them.

My parents knew New Man and I were coming, but weren't expecting anyone else. When we arrived on Saturday, I went into the house and said, "I'm afraid I can't leave your birthday present in the car until tomorrow, so can you come out and help me bring it in?"

His face when he saw the children was a picture, and he had an absolutely fantastic weekend with them.

The other surprise we had for him was that the 4-year-old and I had made him a birthday cake - and that WAS left in the back of the car for the next day. We had made the cake together on Friday afternoon, then I iced it after she had gone to bed and she decorated it with jelly babies and chocolate chips before we left my house in the morning. She was very conscious that it was a surprise, and kept reminding me not to tell Grandfather about it.

Unfortunately, she did let the cat out of the bag... Just after we arrived, he said, "It's lovely to have NewHouse and New Man here, but to have you as well is the icing on the cake."

My niece hastened to correct him: "Oh no, Grandfather, it was Aunt NewHouse who iced the cake."

I knew he was trouble when I saw his sandals

2008-10-08T08:50:00.002+01:00

You know that particular type of open-toed sandal that trendy priests wear? You see them, and immediately try to dampen down your antipathy and persuade yourself to be charitable and give the guy a chance. And then the Mass starts, and the first thing he does is to omit the Sign of the Cross. And as he goes on, changing the liturgy for the sake of change and making things up as he goes along, you realise that your prejudice has been confirmed once again.

That's how it was on Sunday. We were away visiting my parents for the weekend, and although I knew the church we went to, I hadn't come across this particular priest before.

Now, I try to respect the environment and to make as little mark on the world as possible. We have a car, but we don't use it for short journeys, and we take the train to and from work every day. I try to drive in as economical way as possible and get the greatest number of miles per gallon that I can. I keep the central heating on low and make New Man put on an extra layer if he complains about the cold (I knew this might be a bone of contention when I discovered last winter that he kept his thermostat SIX DEGREES higher than I kept mine - and that's Celsius, so in Fahrenheit it's even more degrees). I was taking my own reusable shopping bags to the supermarket long before it was trendy, and I have recycled glass, paper and cans for as long as I can remember.

You might wonder why I'm mentioning this now. Well, this priest chose to make his homily into a huge long tree-hugging rant about how we're destroying God's beautiful earth and we must all start wearing silly sandals and growing our own vegetables (OK, I made up the bit about the silly sandals). To me, this is the biggest turn-off ever, and makes me want to go out and buy a gas-guzzling 4x4 and use it to go to the supermarket half a mile down the road every day. I would rather be encouraged than berated, especially when the person berating me knows NOTHING about me and the way I live.

Anyway, it wasn't just the homily. He then kept weaving all these awful tree-hugging 'prayers' (which were actually digs at the congregation and exhortations to buy those sandals and start hugging more trees) into the liturgy. The worst was when he started on (I can't remember the exact wording, but I promise you this is pretty accurate, but maybe a bit shorter than what he said): "This is the Lamb of God, who died for this beautiful world which we are destroying. May we reflect on the effect that our way of life has on the environment, and may He take away our grievous sins towards this world. Happy are we who are called to share in this beautiful meal."

At the end of his performance, I really felt in some doubt about whether I had actually fulfilled my Sunday obligation to attend Mass. I was also having distinctly unchristian thoughts about this man.

He then compounded his sin after Mass. It's a small church where the congregation meet for coffee after Mass. New Man and I had borrowed two of my nieces for the weekend, and I was holding the 23-month-old as Father Sandal-Wearer approached. I told my niece to say "Hello Father" and he said, "Oh no, call me Pat. That's much easier to say, and much nicer, isn't it?"

Well, I'm sorry, but I think children should be taught to show respect for priests, and should call them Father. Or am I just being old-fashioned?

Things I discovered this week

2008-10-03T22:48:00.002+01:00

I suppose the biggest discovery of the week was that mobile phones and cups of tea really don't mix. I knew it in theory, and now I know it in practice.

As a result, I now have a new phone. I'm obviously a valuable customer - they gave me a free Nokia 6500 and 10% off my phone bills for the next 18 months. Oh, and they also gave me £150 cash (well, not quite cash - credits to my phone bill) for leaving behind my old phone. The one that's full of tea and doesn't work any more.

Not a bad day's work, methinks. Now, what can I spill tea over next...?

Someone worse off

2008-09-30T19:14:00.003+01:00

Today was the day I was going to have a good old moan. I started writing the post a few days ago, but it had grown to mammoth proportions. I considered holding onto it, releasing it in several parts to give it its full force. I played around with the wording, honed the text and generally wallowed in my little pity-fest. Because, you know, I have a husband who adores me, a beautiful house, a job I enjoy, a large and loving extended family, some wonderful friends, and this week I got another promotion - but that doesn't mean I can't find something to grumble about.

The one thing I never changed about the form of this post is that it ended with a request for prayers. For me. For something I want and can't have.

Anyone who doubts the existence of God should try being me for a few days. Ever since I started writing that post, He's been giving me the most crashing and unsubtle signs you could ever imagine that I should stop whinging and count my blessings.

The thing that finally made me delete my huge long draft post was receiving an e-mail from an old friend this afternoon.

This friend had an abusive husband, and ended up fleeing in the middle of the night with nothing but her small son and the clothes they stood up in. She rebuilt her life in another country, settled her son in a school where he had to learn a new language, and worked on providing him with love and stability. He began to thrive, and threw himself enthusiastically into an array of after school activities with an ever-growing circle of friends.

Her e-mail today told me that her mother died very suddenly a couple of weeks ago. Although they lived a continent apart, she described her mother as her best friend. They used to speak at least twice a day, and there was no sign that her mother was ill.

Her father, on the other hand, suffered brain damage during an illness a couple of years ago. As well as this damage, he is thought to be in the early stages of Alzheimer's. My friend has decided that she must cross continents once again to go and look after her father. She has to uproot her son again, and he will have to get used to another school system, another set of friends, and another language.

She has no idea how much longer her father will live, but she does know that he is unable to appreciate what she will be doing for him, and that he will be increasingly difficult, grumpy and demanding. She goes willingly, because she loves her father, but the man she'll be looking after is a shadow of her real father, the shell of his body carrying none of what made him the loving and intelligent man he once was.

So if you can spare a thought, please pray for my friend, that she has the strength to cope with this latest upheaval in her life, the wisdom to help her son adapt yet again to his new circumstances, and the patience to deal lovingly with her father.

My latest new toy

2008-09-29T10:28:00.001+01:00

Every September, my job requires my entire department to spend two weeks away from home with our new graduate recruits. This ends up being an expensive fortnight for me, as I always seem to come home with some new piece of gadgetry. Two years ago, it was an iPod docking station. Last year, I broke the trend by buying clothes instead (a whole new winter wardrobe). This year, it was this.

It's the most incredible piece of kit. It's about the size of a slim paperback, and with the leather effect cover on, it really feels as though you're holding something akin to a book. It comes with 100 free books - they have to be out of copyright, so it's an eclectic mix of classics, many of which I expect to read for the first time over the coming months.

You can download books from the Waterstone's website, which I haven't tried yet. What I have done, though, is to download a couple of free pdfs - one of them being the document by Bishop O'Donoghue that I referred to yesterday.

The other was a piece of legislation that I needed for teaching - all 766 pages of it. I was able to set electronic bookmarks for the sections that I needed to refer to, and it was very easy to flick through it as I taught. I love the way you set a bookmark as well - you fold down the virtual corner of the virtual page! (Not something I'd ever do on a real book, mind you...)

The battery life is brilliant - it charges through the USB cable when you connect it to your computer, and after I had it switched on for most of the day, flicking extensively between pages as I taught, the battery indicator still had the maximum number of bars on it by the end of the day. This is largely due to the technology which the reader uses - the screen is not backlit, and the print is a special type of electronic ink which apparently only uses power when the page is being turned.

Unlike a computer screen, the screen on this thing can be viewed from any angle, and you can read it clearly even in direct sunlight. It doesn't flicker, and so is much easier on the eye than a computer monitor.

I also find it very intuitive and easy to use, both when loading stuff onto it from my computer (simple drag and drop from the e-library software provided, and it's easy to import pdf files into the library as well) and when reading material on the screen. I can see this being something that goes everywhere with me, along with other essentials like my mobile phone and my wallet.

For me, this will never replace actual books - I love the feel of a book in my hands and the look of it on the shelf, and I wouldn't feel comfortable taking this thing in the bath, which is one of my favourite places for reading for relaxation. But it will give me access to a lot of stuff that I wouldn't otherwise have read, it'll save me from lugging huge numbers of heavy books around for teaching or when going on holiday, and it'll mean I'm never caught short of reading material.

Welcome to the cafeteria

2008-09-28T10:09:00.000+01:00

I was involved in an online conversation the other day with someone who was very excited because she had decided she was interested in Catholicism and had arranged to go to an initial meeting for an RCIA course. She said she knew very little about Catholicism, despite her vague interest, and wanted to know what to expect and if anyone could tell her a bit more about it.

Some of the responses she received were along the lines of, "It doesn't matter if there's something you disagree with - just pick the bits you like" or "I'm Catholic and I don't follow everything they say. I think these days you're allowed to just choose."

I had to wade in... I said that some people these days do seem to pick and choose the bits that they want to follow, but that the Church is NOT happy with that. She had specifically asked about Confession, and the general consensus seemed to be that "nobody does that any more". I told her that people DO "do that", explained what its purpose was and pointed her to a few sites where she could read more. It was an open forum, and I didn't want to cause World War III, but I had to point out as strongly as I could that the Catholic Church is not a cafeteria.

She has subsequently asked me various other questions, which I have answered to the best of my ability. I wish she'd asked me a bit later - after I'd read Bishop O'Donoghue's new book 'Fit For Mission? Church'.

In his book, Bishop O'Donoghue asks whether we have forgotten what it means to be Catholic. He says:

Those who ignore their responsibility to God and neighbour forget they are Catholic.

Those who deliberately miss Sunday Mass forget they are Catholic.
Those who never pray forget they are Catholic.
Those who deny they are sinners and avoid confession forget they are Catholic.
Those who live oblivious to the suffering of the poor forget they are Catholic.
Those who dissent from the authority of the Church forget they are Catholic.
Those who use contraception, IVF and embryonic stem cell research forget they are Catholic.
Those who use pornography forget they are Catholic.
Those who have sex outside of marriage forget they are Catholic.
Those who commit homosexual acts forget they are Catholic.
Those who exploit their power and position forget they are Catholic.
Those who cheat on benefits or taxes forget they are Catholic.
Those employers who exploit their workforce forget they are Catholic.
Those who have racist, sexist or homophobic attitudes forget they are Catholic.

Our parish priest has read extracts from this document to us over the last couple of Sundays, and has talked about what it means. I've just downloaded a copy and will be reading it over the next few days - it looks as though I might need it...

Some things I love about being married

2008-09-27T09:50:00.001+01:00

We've been married for almost four months now, and I find it hard to imagine what it was like being without New Man. I've been working away from home for the last two weeks, and it's been the first time we've been apart since the wedding. Every evening, I would rush back to my room to wait for his phone call, and the hour or so that we spent chatting inconsequentially about this and that was the high point of my day. I came home last night, and it's great to be back - so I thought I'd do a little post about some of the things I love about being married to him.

I love lying in his arms chatting for a few minutes after we go to bed and then drifting off to sleep beside him.
I love waking up, turning off the alarm clock and turning to him for a good morning kiss - and the first words I hear in the morning are always "I love you".
I love his willingness to learn to cook, pick up after himself, hang his towel on the towel rail and do all the other things that he never thought were important before he moved in with me.
I love pretending to get cross when he accidentally addresses me as "Wifey".
I love the fact that he makes sure I always have some of my favourite chocolates in the house - he checks the box every time he's going near the shops and buys a new one if I'm getting low.
I love the fact that he thinks I'm beautiful.
I love surprising him with little presents, and how appreciative he is of them even when they're quite boring - like the nice leather belt I brought home for him last week.
I love the way he gets up and brings me a cup of tea before he leaves for work on days when I'm working from home.
I love the fact that my shy, buttoned-up man who used to be totally uncomfortable with terms of endearment now occasionally calls me "My Love" - he says it totally naturally, and I know he means it.
I love referring to him as my husband, and hearing him refer to me as his wife.
I love the fact that we have a similar sense of humour and laugh together over the silliest little things.
I love his patience and tolerance, and the fact that I can bring up fairly difficult topics and he'll discuss them with me and reach a compromise without turning a disagreement into an argument.

I'll keep the list down to a dozen for now, but yes, married life is pretty good really. We have our difficulties, which I will also be telling you about, but I love this man and I'm so grateful that we found each other.

A life worth celebrating

2008-09-26T00:12:00.003+01:00

My mother is a church organist, and frequently plays for funerals. There are those which are attended by a scattering of parishioners, who sparsely populate random benches throughout the church. There are the funerals of the regular churchgoers which are attended by a few members of the family, who have clearly not darkened the door of a church for years, and many of whom have not visited the deceased for some time before their death.

And then there was the funeral she played for this week. The church was packed with people of all ages. All were there to celebrate the life of a person who had clearly had a very important role in their lives. They knew him from the many different activities he had participated in, and from the many different groups of which he had been a member. My mother was struck by how much this man had been loved, how well he had been cared for and how central a role he had had in so many lives.

She attends on average at least a funeral a week, and has done so for many years, but she found this funeral a particularly moving experience, because of the love that so many people clearly had for the deceased.

The man whose life was being celebrated was not a young man, and at birth he had probably not been expected to live so long. In fact, the majority of mothers these days who are faced with the prospect that their child may be like him choose never to let that child see the light of day.

This man who was so loved by so many people had Down's Syndrome.

Thank God for his long, happy and fruitful life, and may he rest in peace.

Wedding presents

2008-09-25T09:31:00.004+01:00

For our honeymoon, New Man and I spent a week in Hawaii, then broke the journey home with three days in Chicago. We did a LOT of walking in Chicago, and stopped for a little breather in the Pauline Bookshop, where we ended up buying each other this wedding present:

New Man didn't much like the Extraordinary Form of the Mass when he first started going with me. He couldn't follow what was going on, and found it quite uncomfortable and unfamiliar.

I knew he'd come round to my way of thinking at the end of the Mass we went to in Kaua'i, when he turned to me and said, "I really miss our own church."

I love the Mass in both forms - I've been to numerous Novus Ordo Masses over the years which have lifted up my soul and filled me with gratitude that I'm a Catholic. But I love the calmness and prayerfulness of the Extraordinary Form. The more I go to this Mass, the more I enjoy the feeling of lifting up my mind and heart to God, and the less bothered I get by external distractions (which have always been a bit of a problem for me in the past).

And having this Missal has really helped both New Man and me to appreciate the Mass more deeply - we can follow what the priest is saying and doing, and understand why he's doing it. And we can follow the readings, which was something I missed when I was just hearing them in Latin.

I also love to look at the loving little inscription New Man wrote in the front of my Missal before he handed it over. I couldn't have asked for a better present, and I feel doubly blessed that he appreciates his Missal as much as I appreciate mine.

Back at last!

2008-09-23T15:49:00.002+01:00

Well, how nice to see that some people are still stopping by - I admire your perseverance! I finally have my computer back and a working internet connection, so I'll be gradually trying to catch up over the next few days.

I've got loads that I want to blog about - some conversations I've been having with someone who's thinking of becoming Catholic, some debates I've been having with myself about the issue that most preoccupies me at the moment, the latest piece of electronic gadgetry I've invested in...

Unfortunately, I'm teaching for five hours tomorrow on a subject about which I currently know next to nothing, so I'd better do a bit of preparation for that first. Watch this space...

Just so you know...

2008-08-28T10:12:00.002+01:00

... I'm still here, but my computer's broken. I can't really blog from my work computer, so until the home one is either repaired or replaced, this blog's going to remain a bit quiet.

The discerning bride and groom are using...

2008-08-12T18:18:00.004+01:00

I still have a couple of things I wanted to share about my wedding, even though it seems ages ago now. We've just been so busy since we got back from honeymoon...

Anyway, one of the things that gave Mac a laugh when she came over for lunch the other day was the cake knife we used at the wedding. You can just about see it in this photo of us cutting the cake.

What's special about this cake knife is that it plays four tunes - 'Happy birthday', 'For he's a jolly good fellow', 'Jingle bells' and ... the Wedding March. Well, there's only one time that you're really going to be able to use that fourth button, so we took advantage of it.

OK, I'll admit it - not all of our guests found it funny! But whenever we cut a birthday cake, Christmas cake or any other sort of celebration cake in the future, we'll be reminded of our wedding. And we might well have to have anniversary cakes too, when that Wedding March button might get pressed again.

The honeymoon's over!

2008-07-04T08:06:00.003+01:00

For the one week anniversary of our marriage, New Man took me out to a posh restaurant for a fantastic meal. We gazed into each other's eyes as we toasted each other with champagne, and as we sat on the veranda with the sound of the waves lapping on the beach in the background, we admired the beautiful Hawaiian sunset and murmured sweet nothings to each other.

For the one month anniversary of our marriage, New Man took me to see the new Indiana Jones film at the Finchley Road multiplex, and then we had a quick pizza on the way home as we listened to the dull roar of the traffic outside and he craned his neck to see the live Wimbledon coverage on the television screen behind me.

Wedded bliss...

2008-06-26T07:15:00.005+01:00

... seems to leave very little free time for blogging!

We had a fantastic day, surrounded by family and friends. The weather was good, the atmosphere was wonderful, and New Man and I grinned like idiots all day.

Not everything went entirely according to plan. I often tease New Man about his inability to tell left from right, and he demonstrated that inability by holding out his right hand for me to put the wedding ring on. I didn't notice until later, when I reached out to hold his (left) hand and the ring wasn't there - a hasty changeover ensued!

Also, the usher who had been tasked with looking after the car parking didn't turn up until about five minutes before the ceremony, and a certain amount of bad feeling was apparently created by the ensuing chaos in the car park. I'd rather not increase the bad feeling by going into more detail, but having been very careful to try to make sure we got all the necessary permissions beforehand, we were very disappointed with the way our guests were treated.

Apart from that (and we didn't know about the car parking issue until we got back from honeymoon), it went like a dream. There were 41 children there, and we had a creche for the smaller ones which they absolutely loved (as did their parents!). There was a teenagers' table on which we had put a selection of games, and a friend who sat near them said that the games were a really good ice-breaker and the teenagers had a great time.

My niece had a very memorable First Communion, and really enjoyed being made to feel special by the other guests. Her cake was beautiful, as was the birthday cake we gave to my matron of honour, whose birthday was the day before the wedding.

The day after the wedding, we met all my immediate family (parents, brothers, sisters, nephews and nieces) and a few friends at a pub for lunch. My brother had his laptop and a card reader with him, and we already had a couple of CDs with photos on (one from a neighbour who came outside to take pictures of my father and me leaving my house, and another from a friend who came to the church just to see me arrive), so he set the laptop up to run a slideshow of pictures of the wedding in the corner of the pub, which was a lovely touch.

Then we went off to Heathrow, ready to fly out to Hawaii on Monday. We arrived 24 hours late in Hawaii, but that's another story...

And we're off!

2008-05-31T07:48:00.002+01:00

It's the morning of the wedding, the weather is looking promising, and I'm waiting with my mother for the florist to deliver the bouquets. All the jobs are ticked off on my to do list, and we're looking forward to a fantastic day. I can't wait to see New Man in the church, and am so excited that we're going to have this great celebration with so many of the people we love.

We have a few little 'extra' touches planned. We have 24 countries represented among the guests (nationalities or places they have travelled from), so we have a display of the 24 flags of those countries at the entrance to the ballroom where we're having the reception.

My matron of honour celebrated her 40th birthday yesterday, so we've got a cake for her which will be presented during the speeches.

My niece is making her First Communion during the nuptial Mass, and we've got a lovely cake and a little present table for her at the reception.

There are all sorts of other little details, and I can't wait to show everyone the things I've been planning.

Tomorrow we're meeting any of the guests who are still around for lunch, then we're off to Hawaii for 8 nights. It's a long journey home, so we're breaking it for 2 or 3 nights in Chicago on the way home.

See you in a couple of weeks...

Things to do three days before your wedding

2008-05-29T00:58:00.002+01:00

Host an impromptu lunch for 15.

Go to Wembley to watch England play the USA with 10 other members of your family and a friend's son and his friend.

Turn up for a fitting for your bridesmaids' dresses to find that they've accidentally cancelled your appointment and the dresses are at another shop 50 miles away (all sorted now).

Move out of your bedroom to make room for the latest guests and prepare to spend your last two nights as a single woman sleeping on the floor in the sitting room.

Realise when the washing machine goes into its final spin at 1:00 am that it's actually quite noisy and you're not going to be very popular if it wakes your nephews. Wonder how you're going to get the rest of the bedding washed and dried in preparation for lending your house to a family of nine while on honeymoon.

And now I must empty the washing machine and see if I can get some sleep...

Things to do 5 days before your wedding

2008-05-26T22:20:00.003+01:00

How high on most people's to do list would "prepare and host a lunch for 32 people at your house" be?

I had such a good time, though. My eldest brother and his family arrived from South Africa yesterday. My second brother and his family arrived from the US this morning. They were all here for lunch, along with one of my cousins and her family, one of my sisters and her family, my other brother, two of my oldest friends and their children, a new friend who lives just up the hill and is getting married in September, and the two sisters of one of my sisters-in-law, plus the husband of one of them.

It was meant to be a barbecue, but the pouring rain meant that all the food was cooked and eaten indoors. My two-year-old nephew woke me at 5:30 this morning, which gave me plenty of time to get all the salads and side dishes ready before the guests arrived. My brother and his family went out for the morning, apparently to allow me to prepare all the food without the children getting in the way. Actually, it was a nice thought, and I've been preparing for parties on my own for so many years now that I have quite a good routine and managed fine on my own. New Man wasn't around today, as he was recovering from his stag do in Edinburgh this weekend.

After lunch, we celebrated the second birthday of one of my nephews with a big chocolate cake, then had a baby shower for my sister (due on the day of the wedding - we're hoping this baby will either arrive tomorrow or be late), then my sister-in-law's sister, who is doing my make-up for the wedding, did a practice run on me and the matron of honour. We gave presents to the bridesmaids and ushers, and all the girls were thrilled with their necklaces and wore them for the rest of the day. One of the bridesmaids got to try on her dress and take it home with her, as I won't see her till the day now.

There has been a slight problem with the dresses - when I took another of the bridesmaids for a fitting last Monday, we discovered that the dresses they had made were not the ones we had ordered. The lady in the shop has been absolutely fantastic, and instantly offered to unpick the bodices and remake them in the style we originally chose. It does mean the last of the dresses won't be ready until Friday, but I have faith in this lovely lady.

I still have two more days of work (today was a bank holiday in the UK), but I'm so excited now about the rest of this week. The guests (except for the ones who are staying over) have now gone, I've cleaned up the kitchen, and I'd better toddle off to bed, just in case it's another 5:30 start tomorrow...

As promised ages ago...

2008-05-09T07:07:00.003+01:00

I finished preparing our order of service yesterday, so it's fresh in my mind, and I did say ages ago I'd blog what we'd chosen.

I got a CD of wedding music for Christmas, and we listened to it in the car a few times before deciding on the Prelude to Te Deum by Charpentier for my entrance.

Then the first hymn is Lord of all hopefulness.

We're singing the Missa de Angelis Kyrie and Gloria. I have to confess New Man wasn't too keen - he thought nobody would know it - but I talked him round, and we compromised by having the Sanctus and Agnus Dei spoken in English.

The first reading will be read by New Man's sister. We liked the reading from Ecclesiasticus here, but weren't convinced my future sister-in-law would be able to read "her skill puts fat on his bones" with a straight face - New Man does love his food, and seems to enjoy my cooking. In the end, we chose Ruth 1:16-17.

The psalm is the third one here, from Psalm 103. We had the same psalm at my grandmother's funeral, and I'll be wearing her pearls, so I'll be thinking of her at this point in the Mass.

The second reading, read by my father, is Colossians 3:12-17. This was the reading we always used to have at the leavers' Mass at my old school, and my father read the same reading at my sister's wedding, and I think at my brother's as well.

The Gospel acclamation is "God is love; let us love one another as He has loved us", then the Gospel is John 15:9-12.

Having spent ages with New Man looking on the internet, going through the missal and the bible, reading all sorts of different readings and deciding on what we wanted for ourselves, when I went to use my sister's order of service as a template for ours, I realised that our psalm, second reading and Gospel are exactly the same as hers, as is the first hymn. What can I say? My little sister obviously has good taste!

My second brother and his wife are writing and reading the bidding prayers, and I know will do a fantastic job of that.

The offertory hymn is Praise, my soul, the King of Heaven - another old favourite. One of my godsons will be taking up the offertory with his two older brothers.

My niece, who is also a bridesmaid, will be making her First Holy Communion during the Mass. I've found a great quote for the order of service from the Comtesse de Gencé (whoever she was): "A girl's whole life unfolds between two veils: the communicant's and the bride's". She and her parents will receive Communion first, followed by New Man and me.

My father is my niece's godfather, and that weekend will be exactly 60 years since he made his First Communion (liturgically, anyway - he made his First Communion at Corpus Christi). So the first Communion hymn will be Jesus Gentlest Saviour, which was sung at my father's First Communion Mass. I tried googling it for my sister-in-law, so they could practise it together, but the tune which came up was not the one that we're having. Here are the words, though:

Jesus, gentlest Saviour,
God of might and power,
Thou thyself art dwelling
In us at this hour.
Nature cannot hold thee,
Heav’n is all too strait
For thine endless glory,
And thy royal state.

Yet the hearts of children,
Hold what worlds cannot,
And the God of wonders
Loves the lowly spot.
Jesus, gentlest Saviour,
Thou art in us now,
Fill us full of goodness,
Till our hearts o’erflow.

Pray the prayer within us
That to Heaven shall rise;
Sing the song that angels
Sing above the skies;
Multiply our graces,
Chiefly love and fear;
And, dear Lord, the chiefest,
Grace to persevere.

Then there's going to be a second Communion hymn - Fill My House - despite the protests of both my parents, who hate it. I've just always imagined having this one at my wedding, although I think the priest was quite pleased when I asked if we could change the words from "eat my bread and drink my wine" to "eat my body, drink my blood". Again, I can't find the tune on the net, but here are the words:

Fill my house unto the fullest.
Eat my body, drink my blood.
The love I bear is held from no-one.
All I own and all I do, I give to you.

Take my time unto the fullest.
Find in me the trust you seek,
And take my hands to you outreaching.
All I own and all I do, I give to you.

Christ our Lord with love enormous
From the cross his lesson taught
– to love all men as I have loved you.
All I own and all I do, I give to you.

Join with me as one in Christ-love.
May our hearts all beat as one,
And may we give ourselves completely.
All I own and all I do, I give to you.

New Man's contribution to the hymn choices has mostly just been to say yes or no to my suggestions. But one Sunday at Mass, we sang Immaculate Mary, and he turned to me as soon as it had finished and said, "Why don't we have that at the wedding?" So we're having it during the signing of the register at the end, and the one regret that I have is that I won't be able to sing along. I'm pleased to be having it for three reasons, though - because New Man chose it, because I know several of the people who are coming love it, and (most importantly) because the wedding is in May and so we particularly wanted to have a hymn to Our Lady.

Mac won't be able to come to our wedding because she'll be on a pilgrimage to Lourdes, so we'll think of her as we sing the Lourdes hymn.

And finally... we'll be going back down the aisle to Mendelssohn's Wedding March.

This made me cross

2008-05-05T08:14:00.004+01:00

This weekend, I spoke to a good friend who was received into the Church at this year's Easter Vigil. She is very happy, has made lots of friends at her local church and is involved in SVP and a number of other activities.

She mentioned that she had been given a couple of really nice rosaries, but said, "I don't know how to say the prayers. I'd like to learn, but at my 'Journey of Faith' course they told me that nobody says the rosary any more, so they didn't teach it to us."

I expressed some surprise, and she continued, "Well, they said it was just used by stupid people who didn't know how to think up prayers for themselves."

I hope she misunderstood whatever point they were trying to make. But I'm furious, and assured her that both my father and I, with our postgraduate degrees, pray the rosary regularly and each carry a decade around in our pockets with us at all times.

I think all the regular readers of this blog are at least as familiar as I am with the rosary, but in case anyone stumbles across this who has suffered the same sort of catechesis as my friend, have a look here to learn how to pray the rosary and here for a brief history of its development.

May is the month of Our Lady, and as good a time as any to learn this beautiful prayer and get into the habit of praying a daily rosary.

Sneak preview

2008-04-30T13:19:00.003+01:00

I don't think New Man ever comes on here [if you do, look away now!]. I've been winding him up, telling him that my dress is rather unconventional - knee-length, with a red skirt 40 inches wide and a green bodice.

Actually, I'm not that unconventional... Here's a couple of quick peeks.

What, you didn't think I'd show you the whole dress before the big day, did you...?!

Only a month to go now!!!

Unintended consequences

2008-04-29T08:34:00.003+01:00

I love the fact that my sister has carried on with her children a number of traditions from our childhood. One is that at the end of the meal, my niece (who turned 4 last week) says, "Thank God and [name of person who cooked the meal] for my lovely [name of meal]. Please may I get down?" The person who cooked the meal then responds by telling her she can leave the table (or occasionally by saying, "But don't you want any pudding?"...).

I like this because it makes her think of both the immediate and the ultimate provenance of each meal, and it teaches her to say thank you for it.

But the other day, she was staying with my parents, and one morning my father let her help to make the breakfast. With help, she spooned the oats and poured the milk into a saucepan, and she stood on a stool to stir the porridge as it cooked. When it was served, everyone said what delicious porridge it was, and how clever she was to have made it all herself.

At the end of the meal, she said, "Thank God and ... ME for my lovely breakfast. Please may I get down? Yes, I may," and promptly left the table with a very satisfied look on her face!

Marriage preparation course

2008-04-20T08:49:00.002+01:00

OK, I promised to tell you about the marriage preparation course that we did two weeks ago...

It was a one day course by an organisation called Marriage Care, which lasted from 10 am to 4 pm on a Sunday. The first thing that surprised me about this, given that it purported to be a Catholic marriage preparation course, was that the start time was too early to allow us to go to Mass beforehand at the nearest church. It was also too early to allow us to go to Mass in our own parishes before travelling there. New Man is more charitable than I am, and said maybe they expected us to go to Mass on Saturday evening. I said maybe they didn't expect us to go to Mass at all.

In the introduction to the day, they made a big play of the fact that although this was a Catholic course, they wouldn't be "shoving Catholicism down our throats". This turned out to be a very accurate prediction. In fact, far from shoving Catholicism down our throats, they made a number of statements which were directly opposed to the teaching of the Catholic Church. They spoke with approval of contraception and of living together before marriage. One of the presenters made a big deal of the fact that although he got married in the 1960s, when living together before marriage was much less common, he and his wife had slept together before marriage.

There were 17 couples there, and for most of the day the format was listen to a presentation, divide into groups of three couples to discuss the issue presented, then present back to the whole room using notes made on a flipchart. Most of the discussion was around the subject of communication, and the day had quite a corporate feel to it - in fact, some of the ground which we covered was identical to the material covered in a corporate communication skills course that I went on at work a couple of years ago.

The other couples in our group were very friendly, very pleasant, and very different from us. Both couples were already living together, and both were mixed - the woman Catholic, the man not. One of the men already had a child from an earlier relationship which had broken down. The other couple already had a child between them.

Some of the issues raised were quite interesting, and New Man and I would have loved the opportunity to discuss them on our own. Unfortunately, the other two men were more interested in joking around, while the women desperately tried to drag the conversation back to a serious level. We also felt constrained by the fact that we had to get stuff written on our flipchart page and be ready to report back to the whole group. Of course, we could have discussed the questions together ourselves afterwards - if we could have remembered what all the questions were. The pack we were given to take away at the end didn't include a copy of the questions.

I was hugely disappointed that the organisers were so desperate not to offend people who don't follow the Church's teaching that they ignored that teaching altogether and actually went out of their way in some cases to indicate that they didn't follow it either. I truly believe that a course which purports to be Catholic should actually be Catholic. Where you have a mixed marriage, I think that the non-Catholic spouse should know what it means to be married to a Catholic. If they don't hear it on a Catholic marriage preparation course, where else are they going to hear it?

And since most people have heard about the Church's stance on issues like contraception and sex before marriage, why not educate them properly and explain what the Church says and why it says it, rather than pretend that it's old-fashioned and unimportant, and that nobody follows it anyway? It's precisely because of woolly liberalism and fear of causing offence on courses like this that so few people know what the Church actually teaches, and even fewer follow that teaching.

So was it a total waste of time? Well, no. The fact that we were going on the course gave New Man and me a focus and a reason specifically to look beyond our wedding day to our life together. We've been doing that anyway quite often, but we really discussed a lot of bigger issues before and after the course (though not during it, because of the format). The discussions that we had on our own over the whole of that weekend brought us closer together, and we did learn more about each other.

Oh, and we did learn one interesting thing on the course itself. Pretty much the only thing we did as couples rather than in groups was to complete a questionnaire - first individually, then comparing our answers with our partner. We had to consider various issues and say how important we thought they were, and how important we thought our partner thought they were.

Our assumptions about each other's ideas turned out to be absolutely spot on, except for one thing - one of the questions was "How important is it to keep to a budget?" I said I thought it was very important; New Man said he thought I didn't consider it important at all. We discussed why he had that impression (when paying a big bill, I often say, "Oh well, it's only money"), and I explained what my attitude really is (I only say that after I've worked out that I can afford to spend the money, and the only debt I have ever allowed myself to have is my mortgage). So now hopefully he realises that he's not marrying a spendthrift, and the moths in his wallet can rest a little easier!

Why worry?

2008-04-10T22:50:00.004+01:00

This morning, to distract myself from a high level of needless worry and consequent inability to concentrate on work, I caught up on a few blogs. One of the posts that I read was all about frustration and worry. The author feels that she should be worrying less and placing her trust in God more. In her own words:

I don't like to worry, it is kind of like self torture but I have such a hard time trying not to. I *know* I am supposed to pray and give it up to God, knowing he has infinite wisdom in his plan for me, for my life, for the lives of my loved ones. The thing is... I am still pretty new to my faith and it is not as rock solid as it should be sometimes. I have doubts, I have fears.

Well, I'm not particularly new to my faith. I'm a cradle Catholic, I've never been away from the Church, and I made a conscious choice as an adult to continue to try to grow in my faith. And yet there I was, reading blogs when I should have been working, because I was so worried that I couldn't concentrate on my work.

The thing is, as we grow older we realise that bad things DO happen, even to the nicest people. People we love can get very sick, and even die, and we can see them suffer horribly and not be able to take the pain away. The insouciance of extreme youth is gradually replaced by caution and realism: the knowledge that things can go horribly wrong in a heartbeat. The love of another human being can cause us great joy, but it can also cause us great suffering, because their pain is our pain.

Jesus Himself knew not only pain but also fear, and in the Garden of Gethsemane He begged to be relieved of what He knew He was about to suffer. When God asks us to trust Him, He doesn't ask us to stop being human. When you put your faith in God and know that He loves you, it doesn't prevent you feeling worried, angry, frustrated, unhappy and many other negative emotions at times. But like Jesus, we try to say, "Thy Will be done" and know that God will give us the strength to get through this.

The great gift God gives us is prayer. When we're utterly helpless and there's nothing else we can do, we can pray. When our minds are full of negative thoughts and we can't help imagining the worst, we can ask Him for help. We might even see our worries at times as a little nudge to remind us to pray. It doesn't make the problems go away. It doesn't even necessarily make the worries go away, because we're human and to be human means to be frail and fallible. But it does give us the strength to carry those worries and not to be overwhelmed by them.

I have no idea how people cope with the trials of life without the support of prayer and the love of God. It's one of the graces I thank God for, and often pray that others will receive.

Oh, and that thing I was worrying about this morning? It's fine. I think. But maybe I'd better stop and say another quick prayer...

Meme

2008-04-10T09:42:00.004+01:00

There are loads of things I want to blog about when I have time - the marriage preparation course New Man and I went on last Sunday being one of them - but for now, you'll have to make do with this meme, since I see I've now been tagged by three people - Leutgeb, Mac and Colleen...

Here are the rules:

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.

2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.

3. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged.

What I was doing 10 years ago:

In April 1998 I was working on my PhD. I started it the month after I got back from China, and was very fortunate to get a loan from a family friend to pay the first year's fees. The second year I was even more fortunate when a nun at my old school suddenly announced that the order had a fund to make grants to deserving cases, and gave me a cheque to cover my second year's fees.

By April 1998, I knew I was going to have to find the money to pay the third year's fees. Although I had two jobs at the time (an evening secretarial job in an office and a more casual job doing typing for a print shop), I was living a fairly hand-to-mouth existence, and certainly didn't have £2,500 knocking around. Fortunately, the guy who ran the print shop had a friend who edited a legal journal and was looking for someone to compile a cumulative index of its first 10 years. The amount he was offering was a little more than I needed to cover my fees.

So the typical pattern of my days was: get up by 7:30 and do any typing that needed to be done while listening to my favourite radio programme (Wake up to Wogan) until 9:30. When that was finished, work on my thesis until lunchtime. After lunch, finish any typing that had to be done that day and then work on the indexing. Leave home around 4:00, cycle up to the print shop (about 5 miles) to drop off that day's work and pick up anything new, then cycle to the office (on my way home, fortunately) to work from 5:15 to 9:15. Get home around 10:00 and do more typing/indexing work until about midnight.

The day I got a full-time job after finishing my PhD, I couldn't believe my luck - only one thing to concentrate on, and free evenings too!

Snacks I enjoy:

Chocolate, especially Lindt Lindor, which New Man buys for me regularly
Pringles crisps
Reece's Pieces
Pretty much anything calorific and bad for me - since Lent ended, I'm having a bit of a battle between my desire to look slim (OK, well at least not fat) and beautiful in my wedding dress and my desire to trough handfuls of the mini Tootsie Rolls that I brought back the last time I went to America. At the moment, the latter seems to be winning.

Five things on my To Do List today:

1. Update notes for the course I'm teaching next week
2. Write to New Man's parents to thank them for a very generous gift they gave us last week
3. Respond to a lunch invitation for the celebration of my aunt's 60th birthday
4. Go to the gym
5. Carry on sorting through some papers and shredding the ones I don't need. This is an ongoing project at the moment, as I'm such a terrible hoarder and need to make room for New Man and his belongings to move in next month. He's also a hoarder and is (hopefully) doing a similar exercise himself.

Things I would do if I were a billionaire:

1. Pay off the mortgages of all my friends and family
2. Set up a holiday fund for my family to enable all of us to be able to visit each other regularly (not easy at the moment, since one of my brothers lives in South Africa and another in the US)
3. Set up a fund to help people who work hard and need a bit of a break. When I started my PhD, I couldn't get any funding at all. I paid the full cost of supporting myself while I studied and paying my fees, etc, apart from £5,000 representing two years' fees. That £5,000 was what enabled me to achieve my dream, and I'd love to be able to do that for people in a similar situation.
4. Finish writing the book that I started about 12 years ago and have never had time to go back to.
5. Choose a few charitable causes to support - probably not big established charities, but each one would be carefully researched. I'd want to know what they needed the money for, and some sort of evidence of what was being achieved with the money. OK, I know, see number 3 under my bad habits...
6. If we're in a fantasy world already, I'll award myself three or four children and become a stay-at-home mother.

Five jobs that I have had:

1. Teacher trainer (training teachers of English as a foreign language)
2. Secretary
3. Index compiler
4. Tax accountant
5. Au pair, looking after several children aged between 6 months and 8 years

Three of my bad habits:

Only three? Gosh, which ones to choose...?

1. Procrastinating
2. Always having to have the last word in an argument
3. I'm a bit of a control freak

Five places I have lived:

1. Monchengladbach, West Germany (as it was then)
2. Rennes, France
3. Xi'an, China
4. New York, USA (only for six weeks, but I had a job and my own apartment there, so I reckon it counts)
5. York, England

Also various other places in England and Germany - by the time I was 18, I'd lived in 15 different houses.

Now, who to tag? Everyone I'm interested in knowing more about has either already done it or isn't the sort of person who generally does memes. Anyway, if you read this blog, I want to know more about you, so if you haven't already done it, consider yourself tagged.

BBC Passion - Good Friday

2008-03-22T08:20:00.002Z

There were some surprising omissions in this episode - after all the effort to show that Pilate was a somewhat unwilling participant in Jesus' death, they didn't show him washing his hands. Perhaps this was because in the Gospel versions, he then told the Jews that they were responsible for what was to happen - could there have been some politically correct concerns about not offending modern day Jews here? Certainly if you didn't already know the background, you might be hard pushed to identify the people as Jews in this version - as far as I can recall, the word 'Jew' is never mentioned. Jesus is not even accused of being (or calling Himself) the King of the Jews, but the 'King of Judaea'.

During the Crucifixion, Jesus is offered some wine on a sponge before He's actually nailed to the cross - and He refuses it. This was a detail I had not picked up on before, and I thought it was an invention of the director, particularly as the more widely-known account of Jesus saying He is thirsty and being offered a sponge dipped in vinegar is not included. But there it is, in Mark 15:23. I'm still not sure about the exchange that takes place in the film, though - the Roman soldier who offers it to Him says it will be less painful if He is drunk when He dies, and Jesus says words to the effect that He would prefer to die sober.

Some of the Last Words are covered beautifully - I cried when Jesus asked John to look after His Mother (a little more long-winded than "This is your mother", but "This is your son" stayed more or less intact). Others, including His very last words, were omitted altogether.

The episode ended as Jesus took His last breath. I'll be interested to see where it picks up on Sunday. So far, this adaptation has really brought home to me the human side of Jesus - the agony in the Garden, the pain and suffering, the struggle between His desire not to go through that suffering and His desire to do God's Will. Perhaps it has erred too far on the former side, but I think that's a minor quibble. Both mental anguish and physical suffering have been portrayed in a clear and unmistakable way, but without making it into a snuff movie.

I've seen evidence of His suffering, and of His compassion and love, and of the charisma that made the crowds follow Him. Of His divinity, I have seen less. Three of the four Gospels refer to the sky darkening as His death approached - in this adaptation, the sun continues to shine brightly. In fact, the director said in an interview that the actual filming of the Crucifixion scene had to be delayed, because every time they tried to roll the cameras, the clouds rolled in and the sky turned black!

Since the episode finished as He took His last breath, we didn't see the piercing of His side. We didn't see the veil of the Temple being torn, or the earth quaking, or any of the other dramatic events which surrounded Jesus' death in the Gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke.

So far, although there are things I would have changed, and things that jarred because they didn't accord with my understanding of the Gospels, I'm still finding this adaptation hugely watchable. More importantly, although there are gaps which I'm filling in by going back to check the Gospels, this series is enhancing my understanding of what Jesus suffered for us.

The final episode will depict the Resurrection. I look forward to hopefully seeing a little more of Jesus' divinity being revealed in this episode.

I'm so excited!

2008-03-20T22:41:00.002Z

I shouldn't really talk about this yet, as it depends on various people agreeing to it, but I'm just so thrilled at the idea of it (and so is New Man - there's a reason I love this guy!). It's looking like a strong possibility that my eldest niece will be making her First Communion at our wedding!!! All we need now is for my sister's baby to come early, and we could get a baptism in too!

BBC Passion - Day Two

2008-03-17T20:59:00.004Z

Today's episode, much more than yesterday, I think, contained a high proportion of fabrication. Once again, we saw the build-up to Jesus' arrest from the point of view of Caiaphas and Pontius Pilate. We saw more of their motivations and more of the political background. We also saw a lot more dissent from the apostles than is mentioned in the Gospels. An attempt (successful, in my view) has been made to create a multi-layered drama rather than a story from one person's point of view.

I did find this a little more frustrating today, and there were times when I thought, "This is a total fabrication, and they're making Jesus more seditious than He really was." Once again, I was driven to my own Bible, and read the accounts in all four Gospels. This is the first time I've been moved to do this so immediately (actually during the programme this time) on the basis of a film or television programme.

As it turned out, the BBC portrayal of Jesus was a lot closer to the Gospels than I had thought. My mind has skipped over passages such as Matthew 23 in the past - but looking at it again, it is pretty seditious. And it would have frightened the chief priests and elders if they were trying to keep the peace in a crowded (and occupied) city in the run-up to a major Jewish festival.

And what of the pure invention - the conversation between John and Jesus, where John tries to persuade Jesus to leave Jerusalem and save Himself; Judas' desperate pleas to Caiaphas not to be made to betray Jesus; the cloak and dagger approach to the upper room in which the Last Supper is to take place; the conversation at the end between John and Peter, where they discuss whether Jesus will go through with it?

These are indeed all fabrications - but are they faithful fabrications? Do they help us to understand what happened in those few days, or do they simply try to put across the producer's own agenda?

For me, they are faithful attempts to explain the events of the Gospels, to put them into context. Viewers may or may not feel that they have succeeded, or even that they are necessary in the first place - but what the writer and producer have NOT done is to twist events to suit some secular agenda. There's no political correctness, no homosexuality, no suggestion that Jesus was sleeping with the prostitute - just a straightforward attempt to provide historical background to the events and to flesh out some of the characters so that we can understand them better.

The Bishops' Conference of England and Wales urges us to use this new production to evangelise. There are parts of the dramatisation that do not correspond to the Gospels, and there are some which are not in accordance with Catholic teaching (one of the more obvious so far being Mary's statement in her conversation with Jesus last night that "I didn't choose to have you, you know" - errrm, actually, one of the major reasons we revere Our Lady is precisely because she said "yes").

There will also be some parts that individuals will find are not in accordance with their own view of Jesus - we've all seen many film and TV adaptations of the greatest story ever told, and we each have our own favourite portrayal of Jesus.

But this is a major and very watchable dramatic production which, let me say again, is being shown on BBC1 at prime time. It's expected to attract audiences of 10 million - that's one person in every six in the UK. It will be discussed at water coolers at work, on the internet, on the bus and in the pub.

I feel very strongly that we Catholics in the UK should be watching it, so that we can join in those conversations - maybe point out some of the inaccuracies, but also acknowledge the places where this version is faithful to the Gospels. And we should be ready to answer people's questions and to counter any challenges that they offer.

The third episode is being shown on Good Friday at 9:00 pm - that gives us plenty of time to get home from church and eat our hot cross bun. The first three episodes are being repeated on Easter Sunday from 2:15 pm, before the climax of the Resurrection is shown in the final episode at 7:30 pm. So most of BBC1's prime time viewing on what to the majority of people in the UK these days is probably just day three of a four day holiday is given over to explaining what this holiday is all about.

I don't say this very often - in fact, I haven't said it for years, if ever - but jolly well done, BBC!

BBC Passion

2008-03-16T21:20:00.004Z

I've just been watching the first episode of the BBC's new dramatisation of the Passion, which is being shown in four parts - tonight, tomorrow, Good Friday and Easter Sunday.

I admit to having been a little sceptical about this production beforehand - it's had plenty of pre-publicity, and the 'hook' that the media used this time was the supposed new take on various key 'baddies' - Pilate, Caiaphas, Judas Iscariot - each of whom was said to be presented in a way that attempted to explain his motivations and paint him as a multi-faceted character dealing with his own concerns in his own way rather than some pantomime villain.

I watched it anyway - although I refuse to watch anything which I know will be blasphemous (such as the awful Jerry Springer opera), most reports emphasised that the producer in this case claimed he was making an honest attempt to be faithful to the Gospels.

I can also remember year after year in which I have looked at the TV schedules for Holy Week, only to comment in despair that the only nod towards the importance of this week for the huge numbers of Christians in the country is perhaps a repeat showing of 'Jesus of Nazareth' at 3 am on Good Friday on one of the digital (ie, not universally available) channels.

So for the beginning as well as the end of Holy Week to be marked with a dramatisation of the events leading up to Jesus' death and resurrection - framing the week with prime time BBC1 programming recognising the place of Christianity in the life of this country and the place of this week in the lives of Christians - is, I think, an occasion for some celebration. It even has a couple of big names as an added pull for the audience - James Nesbitt, Paul Nicholls...

Tonight, I just noticed in time that the first episode was about to start. As an interesting point of contrast, New Man and I had just been watching Pasolini's 'The Gospel According to St Matthew' on DVD. I love this film, but it has two defects in my eyes - there are too many Significant Silences With Brooding Looks, and Jesus' preaching is angrier and shoutier than I imagine it to have been in reality (to be fair, that might just be because it's in Italian - Italians often sound to me as though they're arguing when they're just having a lively chat!).

'Jesus of Nazareth' is another good attempt, but also suffers from the Significant Silences With Brooding Looks, along with the fact that whenever Jesus is about to perform a miracle, He looks as though He's suffering from severe constipation. And Mel Gibson's 'The Passion of the Christ' is just too violent for me.

So I was in a receptive mood when 'The Passion' began this evening, with the entry into Jerusalem. It's not perfect, and people will always find things to quibble with. But I found it extremely watchable, and am greatly looking forward to tomorrow's episode.

Joseph Mawle's portrayal of Jesus as a simple man of great charisma is outstanding. The scene where Jesus was asked which was the greatest commandment was so beautiful that it brought tears to my eyes. And I loved the scene where Jesus and His followers were gently tending to the beggars at the pool. I also loved the little vignette between Jesus and His Blessed Mother - even though I wasn't entirely happy at the way Our Lady was portrayed (as a little disillusioned, jaded perhaps). Yes, it's a total invention - but I can just imagine a headstrong young man (and let's face it, Jesus was pretty headstrong) having a conversation like that with his mother.

What we saw today emphasised Jesus' humanity, and His great love. It also showed how simple yet radical His message was. I hope to see more of His divinity as the story unfolds, but this is a Jesus I can relate to, with a message I want to listen to and no trickery to distract me from that message. One of the things I didn't like at all in Mel Gibson's version was the computer-generated devil that kept appearing to hammer home to us that something wicked was going on. For me, it was a cartoonish device that wasn't necessary and actually detracted from the simplicity and power of the Gospel message.

This adaptation aims to show some of the historical background to Jesus' arrest and crucifixion. It shows the tensions between the Jews and their Roman rulers, the underlying unrest and the fears of the high priests that they would have their authority taken from them by their Roman masters if they were unable to keep the peace.

Is it a whitewash of the villains of the piece? Well, Judas Iscariot felt such guilt at his betrayal of Jesus that he committed suicide. Pontius Pilate could find no fault with Jesus, and washed his hands of him. Look at Matthew 27:24:

Then Pilate saw that he was making no impression, that in fact a riot was imminent. So he took some water, washed his hands in front of the crowd and said, "I am innocent of this man's blood. It is your concern."

So instantly we see that, while this new interpretation takes some poetic licence to explain the background to the potential riot, and brings in (invents) a whole new sub-plot with the murder of a tax collector by Jesus Barabbas and the latter's subsequent arrest, it doesn't come from nowhere. And maybe it does help us to understand the context in which it was possible for Jesus to be arrested and put to death when all he had done was preach a message of love and peace.

But you know what the best thing is about this new adaptation? As soon as it was over, I rushed to my New Testament to remind myself how the same events were portrayed in the Gospels. And a hugely watchable prime-time TV drama which provokes a bit of thought and causes anyone to reach for their Bible is one which I think should be welcomed. Mel Gibson never did that for me.

Nesting

2008-03-16T08:00:00.003Z

We had a great day yesterday. Before New Man got here, I mopped the kitchen and sitting room floors and scrubbed a few surfaces. In the afternoon, he put books back on shelves while I carried on cleaning the kitchen.

When I moved into the house, the previous owners told me that the wooden worktops needed to be oiled about once a year. I bought some oil, and it's been sitting in the cupboard ever since. In the meantime, I've bought an unvarnished beech kitchen table and an unvarnished teak coffee table/bench.

You may have heard a faint slurping sound coming from the area of southern England yesterday. That would have been the kitchen table and the coffee table. I finally got round to oiling the wood, and boy, am I glad I did it! The oil was soaking in almost before I could spread it - the kitchen table alone took half the bottle. As it soaked in, it really brought out the beauty and richness of the wood, particularly on the coffee table. And hopefully now rings from tea and coffee cups won't soak in so easily, and I'll be able to relax a bit more when I have guests of the less careful variety.

After the wood was nicely oiled, New Man and I put the kitchen back together. We decided together where things would go, and several items have found new homes. My kitchen looks soooo great now, and I can't wait to get back to making bread and soup, now that my bread machine and blender are back in place.

Clearing the kitchen stuff back into the kitchen also meant we were able to relax on the sofa in the evening, listening to classical music on the radio and choosing the readings for our wedding (I'll do a separate post on that later). Since the front room has looked like this for over a month now, you can imagine what a relief that was!

But the best thing is that at the end of the day, New Man said, "I've really enjoyed today - I felt as if I was moving in. This really feels like home now."

He's been staying here most weekends that we weren't away somewhere for months, and we chose the colours together when the painter was coming. But after the wedding, he is going to be moving in here permanently.

I'm so happy that he now feels like he'll be coming home.

Weddings and marriages

2008-03-15T08:09:00.004Z

Well, after our row on Tuesday, New Man sent me a very sweet e-mail saying he had thought about what I said and he agreed with it (sensible chap!). We've agreed that we need to spend more time preparing not just for the one day of the wedding, but for the marriage which we intend to last the rest of our lives.

So tonight we're going to sit down with the Bible and a list of possible readings, and read passages to each other and discuss them. We're both really looking forward to this, and I'm so pleased that he will have an input - his previous response when I said we needed to choose some readings was, "Well, I'll trust your judgement on that".

I've suggested that we go for a day out some time before the wedding to one of the shrines of Our Lady, where we can focus on what's important and not worry about all the hectic activity we usually cram into our weekends. He agreed that we should "do something like that", though I'm not sure he's really sold on the idea of a shrine.

And I'm going to buy a couple of books for us to read and talk about - which books they are depends slightly on what the particular shop I go to has available, but I'll take a list of your suggestions with me...

Meanwhile, the plans for the single day are progressing apace. On Wednesday I had my first dress fitting. The woman in the shop was very casual when I ordered my dress, saying that the bridesmaids' dresses could be ordered much closer to the time. Apparently it is now much closer to the time, and we need to get the bridesmaids' measurements and get those dresses on order YESTERDAY. (How do you convey a sense of urgency to the mother of a little bridesmaid without sounding hectoring...?)

And yesterday the favours for the female guests arrived. Since my brother moved to the US, every time he has come back with his family we have rented a big place where the whole family could stay together for a week. He usually comes in the summer, so the place where we stay is by the sea - and coincidentally, most of the randomly chosen places we have stayed at have had peacocks in the grounds. So when New Man and I found the place for our reception, I knew it was 'right' when I saw that it too had peacocks. And I used to work in China. So I was delighted when I found these:

Just because I can...

2008-03-13T22:35:00.004Z

Actually, a more accurate title for this post would be "just to see if I could...".

I mentioned a while ago that I'd joined a gym, and since the beginning of this year I've been on a real healthy eating kick (not a diet per se, but trying to eat sensibly and cut out the junk).

My clothes have gradually been getting looser, and tonight on a whim I decided to try a little experiment. And sure enough...

(drum roll here, please)...

I took off my jeans without undoing them!!!!!!

Oh dear, more expense in the run-up to the wedding - it's time to go clothes shopping, I think.

When activity goes down...

2008-03-12T07:37:00.004Z

I just thought I'd mention something that's happened since I had my long blogging break. I managed to break my addiction to Statcounter, but I do glance at it from time to time. Now, before my break, all my visits were from individuals, who had found my blog either through someone else's blog or through some obscure Google search.

When my blog had been inactive for a little while (I can't remember exactly, but I think it was at least a month), the hits suddenly started to go up again, and I looked at Statcounter to see what was going on. It turned out that I was getting approximately 20 hits a day from Google Images, and that has continued and is still going on today.

I don't know if it was the lack of activity on the blog that made the Google web-bot (or whatever they call it) home in and start cataloguing all my pictures, but I do know that all the pictures on my blog now come up when you do a relevant search on Google Images. Most of mine came from Google Images anyway, and I never post pictures of identifiable people, but it is a bit freaky to see my holiday snaps coming up on a Google search, and sometimes even on the first page of the results.

So I suppose first, I was wondering if any of you have experienced or heard of a similar thing, and know whether it is the lack of activity which caused this to begin. But more importantly, I wanted those of you who post family pictures to know that this happens. I don't want to freak you out, and I have just googled a couple of names of people who I know post pictures of their children and absolutely nothing came up in Google Images.

But if you're going to go for long periods without updating your blog, maybe it would help to password protect it, at least temporarily, to prevent your children's pictures being available on Google Images. (Please don't delete your blogs, though - the URL will still exist, and will be taken over by dodgy advertisers.) I don't know if anyone else has any other suggestions...

A favour to ask you all

2008-03-12T07:04:00.003Z

I had a lovely e-mail from my sister-in-law the other day, in which she mentioned how busy I've been recently. She said I needed to give myself time to prepare myself spiritually for the changes that are about to happen in my life, and suggested someone that I could go and stay with for a mini retreat.

Now, time really has been a pretty scarce commodity round here recently. Last week, I was working till midnight every night, getting up at 5:00 the next morning to carry on with my work, and even working while I was on the train to work (time I usually spend reading the newspaper). In between all that work, I was shifting furniture from room to room, nipping out to buy paint whenever the painters needed more, and trying to arrange little details for the wedding.

It's been that way pretty much since early February - and I feel as though spiritually, this is the worst Lent I've had in years. I've done no extra spiritual reading, I haven't been to Mass any more often than I usually go, and I haven't set aside additional time for prayer and reflection. In fact, I was astonished when I realised that next week is Holy Week - I feel as though Lent has barely begun.

My sister-in-law was right - I need to stop running round like a headless chicken and calm down for the next two months, two weeks and five days. Unfortunately, this conclusion led to a row with New Man last night, when he listed out his assumptions about what's going to happen for the next few weekends. He appeared to have made big plans for us (without consulting me) for every weekend up to the end of April, although he later backtracked and claimed they were just suggestions (you know, the sort of suggestions that begin, "And of course, the following weekend we'll be going to...").

This weekend, I'm going to sit him down and focus on the Order of Service. We've already (more or less) chosen our hymns, and we'll look at readings and really try to read and appreciate them and try to decide which ones we'd like. Then the first weekend in April, we have our marriage preparation course, which I'm sure will give us plenty of food for thought.

But I suppose I'm also looking for some ideas from you (yes, all three of you who are still reading this blog). If you're married, how did you prepare for your marriage? Whether you're married or not, do you have any suggestions for things that New Man and I can read together and discuss to help us prepare for our new life?

Any thoughts that you can share with me would be very much appreciated...

Corporate branding

2008-03-10T23:01:00.002Z

I think the firm I work for is taking its corporate branding a bit far. Today I was issued with a new computer, but I was told that I had to run a particular programme beforehand, in preparation for the change.

As the programme ran, this pop-up message appeared on my screen:

I'll let you know if New Man notices any changes...

How long was I asleep?

2008-03-08T10:01:00.002Z

OK, I was pretty tired when I went to bed, after a week of working very long hours and shifting furniture in the middle of the night so the painters could get at different rooms. So I woke up this morning, turned on the computer and went into online banking to check my statements and sort out a few bills.

According to my bank statement, the most recent transaction on my account took place on 10 March 2008. I'm sure it was only 7 March when I went to bed. How long have I been asleep....?

Just for the record...

2008-03-01T12:35:00.002Z

Here are a few things I have done in the past two weeks:

Dug out my laptop from under the huge heap of stuff in the front room.
Done loads of reading and figured out what I'm going to cover and how I'm going to cover it in the new course I'm teaching next week.
Spent a day and a half looking after my nieces when my sister wasn't well.
Prepared the final list of people I want to invite to the wedding and their addresses.
Looked up the addresses of all the people New Man had put on his list and not provided full addresses for.
Written a detailed information sheet to go with the invitations, covering directions to the church and reception, menu choices, information for those bringing children, etc - and printed 75 copies of it.
Made a few more arrangements for the wedding, in dozens of long phone calls and e-mails.
Spent last weekend with my parents and celebrated Mothering Sunday a week early with my mother.
Arranged to take my future parents-in-law out for Mothering Sunday tomorrow.
Kept all my appointments, however difficult it was.
Spent hours on the phone to two people I'm very close to who are both going through very difficult times at the moment.
Attended the award ceremony for a course I recently completed (I now have more letters after my name than in it).
Sorted out all my belongings and papers at work and packed what I'm keeping into crates ready for a move to new offices this weekend.
Done all the above while struggling with a throat infection that's making me feel like I've been run over by a train.

And here are some of the things I haven't managed to do:

Make my house habitable - I'm still camping out in one room and waiting for the painter to return and finish the job (after a 2 week break).
Prepare the slides and handouts for the course I'm teaching next week.
Get enough sleep.
Spend as much time as I'd like with New Man.
Get anybody to deliver what was expected of them in the timeframe they had promised and to the standard that was expected.

Ho hum. This too will pass...

Some things I ought to have known by now

2008-02-15T19:45:00.003Z

1. Painters never come when they originally said they would. And some come EARLIER, not later.

2. When you're out of the house from 7 am to 8 pm, two days' notice of your whole house being redecorated is not really enough.

3. When you try to fit the contents of four rooms into a single room, there's not an awful lot of space left for wandering about.

4. In view of 3 above, it's a good idea to look round and check whether there's anything in the room you might need to get at before the painters have finished.

I'll be back when the painters have gone and I've had time to beat a path through the room to my laptop...

Book meme

2008-01-29T22:42:00.000Z

I'm not back five minutes, and I've been tagged already. OK, here goes...

1) Which book do you irrationally cringe away from reading, despite seeing only positive reviews?

Well, I'm a bit of a snob about language, and I'd always rather read stuff in the original than in translation - which means that I'd probably irrationally cringe away from reading anything that's been translated into English. I just think it always loses some nuances in translation, and ends up not quite how the author intended. The irrationality of this is that there's only one other language that I actually can read fluently in, so I'm shutting myself off from most of the world. Having said that, I'll make exceptions for books that I really really want to read...

2) If you could bring three characters to life for a social event (afternoon tea, a night of clubbing, perhaps a world cruise), who would they be and what would the event be?

Hmmmm. I'm going to cheat a bit here, as all three of these are real characters - two the subjects of autobiographical works, the other the subject of various biographies I've read. I think it would be fascinating to take Emperor Pu Yi, Chairman Mao and Jan Wong together and see their reactions both to what they were seeing and to each other as they wandered round a modern Chinese city.

3) (Borrowing shamelessly from the Thursday Next series by Jasper Fforde): you are told you can’t die until you read the most boring novel on the planet. While this immortality is great for a while, eventually you realise it’s past time to die. Which book would you expect to get you a nice grave?

'War and Peace' by Leo Tolstoy. OK, probably partly at least because of my peculiar hatred of translations. But I've started that book about 18 times, and never got past page 2. And it's got a looooooot more than two pages...

4) Come on, we’ve all been there. Which book have you pretended, or at least hinted, that you’ve read, when in fact you’ve been nowhere near it?

I own lots of books that I haven't read yet - one of the hazards of 'buy two, get one free' offers when you're too busy to read more than one at a time. I don't think I've ever pretended that I've read any particular one of them, although their presence on my shelves probably suggests that I may have done more than glance at the cover and think, "This'll do for my 'get one free' book".

5) You’re interviewing for the post of Official Book Advisor to some VIP (who’s not a big reader). What’s the first book you’d recommend and why? (If you feel like you’d have to know the person, go ahead and personalise the VIP).

OK, the VIP is someone who's coming to visit England or is about to have regular contact with English people. I'd tell them to read 'Watching the English' by Kate Fox. It's hilarious in places, insightful in others, and it's perfect for someone who doesn't read much, because you can dip into it and just find that you keep flicking through and finding more interesting sections, so that in the end you can't help but read the whole thing. And if you've ever spent more than five minutes in England, you'll find yourself nodding your head and thinking, "It never occurred to me, but that is a peculiarly British thing, and it's totally, absolutely true". For Brits, too, it's an eye-opener - of the "you mean the rest of the world doesn't do that too?" variety.

6) A good fairy comes and grants you one wish: you will have perfect reading comprehension in the foreign language of your choice. Which language do you go with?

Only one? But I want to be able to read EVERYTHING in the original...! I suppose, since I'm only semi-literate now and it's frustrating not to be able to read better, it would have to be Chinese. I even have a pile of Chinese novels sitting at home just asking to be read.

7) A mischievous fairy comes and says that you must choose one book that you will reread once a year for the rest of your life (you can read other books as well). Which book would you pick?

'When We Were Very Young' by A A Milne. OK, not only is it a children's book, but it's a book of poems, and I can recite most of them by heart anyway, but I love it, and could read it out loud to my numerous nephews, nieces and godchildren (and their descendants, I suppose, if it's for the rest of my life). And because it's short, I'd still have plenty of time left to read new stuff too.

If I had to choose a proper grown-up book, I suppose it would be 'London: The Novel' by Edward Rutherfurd - a great doorstopper of a book, which I have always found absolutely fascinating. The highest praise I can think of for this book is that several years ago I gave a copy to a friend. Last year, she gave me a copy of the same book, with a note saying, "Someone gave me a copy of this years ago, and I loved it so much I was sure you would too".

8) I know that the book blogging community, and its various challenges, have pushed my reading borders. What’s one bookish thing you ‘discovered’ from book blogging (maybe a new genre, or author, or new appreciation for cover art-anything)?

Well, if we're talking about book blogging... I've discovered that there are all sorts of people out there who have the same sort of fragmented memories as I do of books that they've enjoyed, and I enjoy visiting the abebooks forum from time to time to see the number of vague questions to which someone has managed to find an answer, often after years of looking. I have asked a couple myself, and been reintroduced to gems of childhood that I thought were lost forever (Bernice Reubens, Catherine Storr, Elizabeth Gorell, Mary Gehr...)

9) That good fairy is back for one final visit. Now, she’s granting you your dream library! Describe it. Is everything leather bound? Is it full of first edition hardcovers? Pristine trade paperbacks? Perhaps a few favourite authors have inscribed their works? Go ahead-let your imagination run free.

It's a huge room, lined with good, strong shelves. The shelves are well filled, but there's always room for a few more books when I've gone mad at the bookshop. There are windows at each end, to catch both the morning and the evening sun, and a comfy chair by each window. There's a sofa pulled up to an open fireplace for the winter, a cosy rug on the floor, a ticking clock with Westminster chimes on the mantelpiece, and a radio discreetly in one corner. The books vary - some trashy paperbacks, some well-thumbed favourites, plenty of reference books, and all organised by subject and by author (not, as New Man prefers, by size and colour!). And all the books are catalogued, so that I can instantly put my hand on whichever one I'm looking for.

I've just realised that, apart from the cataloguing and the size of the room, I'm pretty close to having all of that in the room I'm in at the moment. My cup runneth over...

And now it's time to tag someone. Well, not many people have yet stumbled across the fact that I've started this blog up again. If you're here and you're interested, fill your boots.

Some great news

2008-01-25T23:13:00.001Z

Yesterday I was visiting an internet forum that I look at from time to time. The people who post on this forum are from all walks of life - a spread of ages, educational backgrounds, family circumstances and religious beliefs or lack of them.

Someone had posted that she had a terrible problem - basically, having been told that she wouldn't be able to have children and taken a long time to come to terms with that, she had just found out that she was pregnant. Her post was very negative, talking about how this was the wrong time in her life for this to happen, and she just knew that she wouldn't be able to support a baby. She was obviously thinking very seriously about having an abortion.

In the course of a few hours, she had dozens of responses. Every single one said what a wonderful thing this was and what a miracle this baby was. At the same time, nobody criticised her for the way she was feeling, and they sympathised with her for her concerns. Most people don't use their real names in this forum, and most have never met each other, but several people offered her financial and practical help, and some offered to send her baby equipment.

Today she posted again, thanking everyone for helping her to clarify her thinking - and saying that although she thinks it's going to be very tough financially, she's decided to keep the baby. I'm so pleased for her and the baby, but I'm sure she's also going to have a few tough times ahead - please pray for them.

Christian Unity

2008-01-25T13:42:00.000Z

Today is the last day of the octave of prayer for Christian unity. This prayer by Cardinal Newman (which was reproduced in our parish bulletin a couple of weeks ago) is my favourite prayer for Christian unity:

O Lord Jesus Christ,

who when thou wast to suffer,

didst pray for thy disciples

till the end of time

that they might all be one,

as thou art in the Father

and the Father in thee,

look down in pity

on the manifold divisions

among those who profess thy faith,

and heal the many wounds

which the pride of man

and the craft of Satan

have inflicted on thy people.

Break down the walls of separation

which divide one party and denomination

of Christians from another.

Look with compassion

on the souls

who have been born

in one or other of these communions

which not thou,

but man hath made.

Free the prisoners

from these unauthorised forms of worship,

and bring them all

into the one communion

which thou didst set up

at the beginning:

the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church.

Teach all men

that the See of Peter,

the Holy Church of Rome,

is the foundation,

centre and instrument of unity.

Open their hearts

to the long-forgotten truth

that the Holy Father, the Pope,

is thy Vicar and Representative:

and that obeying him

in matters of religion

they are obeying thee,

so that as there is

but one company in heaven above,

so likewise there may be

one communion

confessing and glorifying

thy Holy Name

here below.

A Chinese restaurant with a sense of humour

2008-01-23T20:39:00.000Z

Feed my lambs

2008-01-21T22:01:00.001Z

Never let it be said that New Man is henpecked, but some of our conversations turn out to be a little short. Like this one, last Sunday:

New Man: "I suppose if we have children, we'll have to think about what is the appropriate age for them to start going to Mass with us."

Me (looking at him as if he's just grown an extra head): "From birth. Obviously."

New Man: "Oh... Right... OK."

So, let's be fair to New Man here. My nephews and nieces have all been taken to Mass from birth, as were my brothers and sisters and I. It seems a no-brainer to me. But obviously for some people, even people who really believe and are good Catholics, it isn't. So I need to look at the arguments.

They don't get anything out of it, because they don't understand what's going on. You can take them when they're old enough to understand.

But we do all sorts of things with babies before they can understand. We sing songs to them, talk to them, read them stories. Research has shown that you could read random lists of nonsense words, newspaper reports or even the draft of your biochemistry PhD thesis to them, and babies would enjoy hearing your voice just as much. But we don't - we read them stories and repeat rhymes and tell them what we're doing, and that's how they learn language. A child who is never exposed to language won't learn to talk.

So how do we expect them to figure out what Mass is all about if we never expose them to it? Sure, they won't understand at first. They might even learn to join in with some of the prayers and responses without having a clue what they mean. But gradually, it sinks in, as we tell them to watch what Father is doing, as we point out Jesus above the altar and the statue of Jesus' Mummy, as they learn to connect the bedtime prayers we say with them to the prayers that the family of God is saying together in church. They learn their religion as they learn everything else in early childhood - through experience, practice, a bit of loving explanation, a bit of watching others.

They don't know how to keep quiet, and they disturb other people.

A toddler who is learning to feed himself can be pretty messy. He might throw food on the floor, smear it over his head, bother other diners with his lack of table manners. Does that mean you never let him eat until he can do it tidily? No, he needs the opportunity to practise his hand-eye co-ordination and to experience how the food feels in his hands, on his spoon and in his mouth. Similarly, children learn to sit still and listen by doing it, and until they've learnt that, a couple of special quiet toys or books can help when they start to get restless.

Babies and toddlers can be noisy at times - but Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me". Now, I admit that I'm not always as tolerant as I should be of disruptions in church - I sometimes find the behaviour of some parents and older children fairly intolerable. But if I can't ignore the babbling of a baby or a little bit of wriggling from a toddler, maybe I need to take a good look at myself and think about whether I'm really concentrating on my prayer, or whether I'm too busy judging other people to understand what I'm really there for.

OK, I've seen the argument used in a slightly different way by a mother of five who taught her children that going to Mass was a privilege which they had to earn by proving that they could sit still, keep quiet and not disturb others. In some ways, this is great - to her children, Mass was a treat and a reward. But... God came to call sinners, and might it not be the case that the naturally exuberant and boisterous child can benefit from trying to stay still and listen for an hour or so, even if he can't quite manage it? And might it not also be the wrong message to give the child, implying that they won't be welcome at God's house if they haven't been good enough?

We don't have children yet, but I can't see my mind being changed on this. If I believe in God, and if I accept the teachings of the Catholic Church, how can I deprive my children of the chance to develop a relationship with God and begin to develop a spiritual life of their own from the earliest possible opportunity?

Well, maybe not quite all...

2008-01-17T08:26:00.000Z

I couldn't do it - my fingers have been itching to get back! I certainly won't be posting as often as I used to, but I am going to post from time to time - mostly because I want to keep some sort of record of things that are going on at the moment, and I'm rubbish at keeping a diary.

So, what's been happening while I was away? Well, we had New Man's birthday, then Christmas and the New Year. I've ordered my wedding dress, gone to the gym three or four times a week, taken on more management responsibilities at work, ordered our wedding rings (that bit we did together last weekend), started making a very large new rug for our front room, arranged to have the house decorated, had our first meeting with the priest about the wedding, booked the photographer, reluctantly said goodbye to my lovely old car and bought a more sensible one... In other words, I've kept myself busy.

Today's plans - an appointment with the registrar to give notice of the wedding, an appointment with a colleague who lives nearby for coffee and a catch-up, a visit to the gym, several hours in my study (I'm working from home today, and have a lot to get through), a bit of house-cleaning ready for the arrival of my parents for the weekend tomorrow, paying a couple of bills, and perhaps pausing to breathe for a few minutes at some stage.

I'd better get going...

That's all, folks!

2007-11-29T22:38:00.000Z

I've enjoyed the last few months of blogging, and I don't think I can bring myself to delete my blog yet - but I think this is going to be my last post. I'll still visit the blogs I enjoy, and I don't know if this will be a permanent disappearance, but at the moment I have no plans to continue with this blog.

It's been great 'meeting' so many people while I've been doing this - thanks for reading, and for your very welcome comments.

Real life...

2007-11-26T09:58:00.000Z

... is interrupting my blogging. All my time and energy is needed elsewhere.

I'll be back when things settle down a bit.

Google

2007-11-23T12:20:00.000Z

I love looking at Statcounter to see how people have found their way here. I do wonder today whether the person who googled "best top 100 stripper songs" found what he (I'm making an assumption here) was looking for...

Happy Thanksgiving

2007-11-21T22:12:00.000Z

For those of us over here who have to go to work tomorrow and don't get to eat turkey till Christmas Day... here's a little video I found on YouTube to tell you all about the first Thanksgiving.

And to those of you over there who are getting turkey and time off, have a wonderful day.

It's a while since we had a blonde joke

2007-11-20T23:15:00.000Z

A blonde psychologist gets a job in a school.

On her first day she spots a boy who spends the whole of his break time standing around on his own, and not running and playing around with his classmates. She asks him if he's all right, and he says that he's fine.

The next time she sees him, he's standing on his own again. She goes up to him and says, "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," he replies.

She's a little concerned, but he obviously isn't ready to talk yet, so she leaves him alone.

The next day, there he is again - standing all on his own, while all the other children run around together. She walks up to him, crouches down to his eye level, and gazing deep into his eyes, she asks, "What's the matter? Won't the other children play with you?"

"Look, I told you, I'm fine," he replies.

"So why aren't you running around and playing with all the other children?"

"Because I'm the GOALKEEPER!!!"

How green is green?

2007-11-20T22:02:00.000Z

Last night, as I sat in the dingy semi-darkness cast by my energy-saving lightbulbs, I came to a decision. Buying energy-saving lightbulbs is all very well, but if you then have to turn on extra halogen spotlights in order to be able to see well enough to read, and if you rather like reading, then you're not actually doing anything for the environment at all.

So the halogen spotlights are going, and so are the energy-saving lightbulbs - and I'll be back to switching on a single light and actually being able to see.

The government also makes much of the virtues of people who buy a new car every two or three years and choose vehicles with low emissions. I've never bought a new car in my life, and probably never will - that may mean I never have the latest, greenest model, but it also means I'll be reusing someone else's cast-off, and no factories will be belching out pollutants or using up precious resources to make a car just for little old me.

Our increasingly authoritarian government persists in trying to promote a single way of life, a single form of consumerism, and a single type of 'green' product - but on what evidence? Consumerism is wasteful, whether I'm buying a brand-new 4x4 gas guzzler or a brand-new Toyota Prius. Now they're talking about increasing rates of taxation on cars which are too old to have advertised emissions rates from the manufacturers.

How about encouraging people to make do and mend, rather than encouraging them to spend more and more in pursuit of the greenest possible technologies? Surely that would help keep rubbish out of landfills, reduce pollution from factories and from transporting raw materials and finished goods, and give repair and maintenance jobs to skilled labourers in all areas.

And how about encouraging people to use the most appropriate technology for the job at hand, rather than plugging a one-size-fits-all approach? I might well be content to sit in semi-darkness if all I ever do is vegetate in front of the television/Playstation/X-box, but reading, knitting, sewing and other activities actually require a certain level of light.

This weekend, I'll be buying a supply of good old-fashioned 60W lightbulbs - quickly, before they get banned. Let there be light, I say - and I don't think I'm the first to say that...

Big sister and little sister

2007-11-18T21:29:00.000Z

As a little girl, this was one of my favourite books. I loved looking after my little sisters - entertaining them, singing them to sleep, bathing them, feeding them, walking them to school when they were a bit older, teaching them to swim and to ride their bikes... When I was 8 and my first sister was about a year old, I once sang the same song to her 100 times over in the hope that it would eventually bore her to sleep.

When I was 14, and my sisters were 5 and 7, my father was hosting a major work event. Some of the visitors who came for this event stayed at our house, and while I was washing some dishes in the kitchen the wife of one of the visitors wandered in and started to chat.

"Let me get this straight," she began. "There are five children in the family, aren't there?"

"No, six," I replied.

She then listed the names of all five of my brothers and sisters, and asked who she had forgotten.

"Well, me," I answered.

"Oh, really?" she shrieked. "I thought you were the nanny."

When mothers who have just one or two children hear about a family with several, they frequently say things like, "I don't know how they do it", "But it's so much work", "I've got my hands full with just two", etc.

Sure, there's a lot more laundry, you have to cook larger quantities, and there's a lot of juggling to get different people to their different activities on time. But what they don't take into account is that a mother with a toddler and a baby can't leave them alone for five minutes without worrying about what might be happening. Just to give you a few examples of situations I've come across, the toddler might have glued the baby's eyes shut with her Bob the Builder stickers, drawn with markers all over the baby's face, managed to drag the baby up onto the sofa (by one arm) to give her a cuddle and then left her on the edge of the sofa ready to fall off... You get the picture.

But if you have a baby, a toddler and a couple of older children, you can actually turn your back for five minutes. A couple of times in the last week or so I've been able to observe older siblings looking after their younger siblings while their parents were occupied elsewhere, and I love to see the interaction between them.

Of course, it doesn't always work. My littlest sister was Not Good about going to bed. On one occasion when she was about a year old, my parents had gone out to a work function, leaving my older brother, then aged about 14, and me in charge of the little ones.

Halfway through the evening, my brother picked up my screaming sister, left me looking after the other little ones, and marched down the road to where the function was in full swing. My father's colleagues gaped as my brother appeared in the dining room, walked up to my mother and dumped my sister in her lap, saying, "I believe this is yours", before turning on his heel and marching out again.

Still, we did look out for each other. And we still do. Guess who's been on Skype again today...

Today's World

2007-11-18T00:17:00.000Z

When I was little, my brothers and I used to be allowed to stay up late to watch a programme called 'Tomorrow's World'. It was a fantastic programme, from which we learnt about all sorts of technological advances and new space-age equipment. We would gasp in wonder as we saw demonstrations of such amazing things as a machine which enabled you to listen to music tapes through headphones while you walked down the street, a camera that enabled you to create your own video films, and one of the things that amazed and excited me the most - a video player from which you could print still pictures from the film. We never expected actually to see these things in real life.

Every so often in the last ten or fifteen years, I've wandered around an electrical shop with a sense of awe, seeing equipment which I first encountered on Tomorrow's World, and which is now not only available for the public to buy, but is within my price range.

I was recently looking at a book which my sister bought for my father. It was a collection of letters home written by a young woman who had emigrated to South Africa in the latter half of the nineteenth century. One letter to her mother in particular leapt out and illustrated the reality of emigration in those days. It was dated 16 March, and it began, "I received your letter of 4 October four days ago, and was very sad to read of Father's death..." If the response took as long to reach its destination, a single exchange of letters would have taken almost a year.

It's easy to forget how lucky we are to live in this age of instant communication. When I was growing up and my father was serving in the Middle East, an exchange of letters would take about three or four weeks. Even that would be inconceivable to a child growing up today. Over the last five years or so, I've seen photos of each of my nephews and nieces on the day they were born. Last night, my sister e-mailed the picture from her first scan around the family, and in South Africa, America and England, we all admired this little person.

Emigration today doesn't mean losing touch with the family, and although it's sometimes hard to live in this global village and have to rely on electronic communications, how much easier those electronic communications make it to keep in touch.

Tonight, my mind has been blown by another Tomorrow's World moment. I downloaded Skype and spoke to my brother in the US. I don't have a webcam at the moment, but he does - and I was able to see him, my sister-in-law and all seven of their children, and watch them having their tea. I feel so close to them tonight, and I'm so grateful to live in an age where this sort of thing is possible. I'll be back at PC World tomorrow, buying a webcam so they can see me too.

The Christmas pudding suit

2007-11-16T19:35:00.000Z

When one of my nephews was born in 2003, my aunt sent a Christmas pudding outfit like this one for him to wear for his first Christmas, and he duly wore it on Christmas Day in the US.

The following year, my sister had her first child, and the Christmas pudding suit was sent back to England for my niece to wear on her first Christmas Day.

In 2005, my brother and sister-in-law in South Africa had their first child, and the Christmas pudding suit was sent to South Africa and worn (briefly, because of the hot summer weather) on Christmas Day by my nephew.

In 2006, there were two babies - one in the US and one in the UK - but the American baby was too big for the outfit by Christmas, so it was worn on Christmas Day by my sister's second child.

When New Man and I went to South Africa last month, we took the outfit with us, and it will be worn by my brother and sister-in-law's second son this Christmas.

There was a certain amount of discussion about this well-travelled and well-worn little suit, and we wondered if it would continue to get such good wear in future. 2008 is a little early for New Man and me, but we're hoping very much that we'll be claiming the suit in 2009.

Well, my sister announced recently that she will be the one to claim the suit for 2008. One of the difficulties we had with selecting a date for our wedding was that she thought her due date was about 15 June, and we had hoped to get married in June.

Today she had her first scan - and guess what? Her due date is now 31 May - the day New Man and I have booked for our wedding. 90% of babies aren't born on their actual due dates, so we're not changing the date again.

But I'm now torn between wanting my sister to be able to attend my wedding and thinking that it would actually be really quite fun if the best man were able to announce the arrival of the latest little family member at our wedding reception...

Proof revisited

2007-11-14T23:29:00.000Z

This post started life as a rather long comment in response to a comment that my favourite Poor Unhappy Soul wrote to this post. But I'm not sure how many of you read the comments, and I'd actually quite like some input on this, because my ramblings may not make a lot of sense.

The whole point about faith is that you believe something even though you have no proof. I don't BELIEVE IN the cup of tea on the table beside me - I have objective proof that it's there, and I would be stupid to deny its existence, as would anyone else who was in the room with me.

You, on the other hand, have no way of knowing whether I have a cup of tea beside me or not. It would be reasonable for you to assert whether or not you believe that I have a cup of tea here. You could then share your belief with another person, and they could also choose whether or not to believe you.

There is an objective reality there, but you would have no proof that your belief was true. In fact, you could be wrong about it and never know - perhaps there is no cup on the table beside me, or even no table, or perhaps there is a cup, but it contains coffee rather than tea.

I could be wrong in my belief that there is a God - I have no way of objectively proving that I'm right. If I did, that would be knowledge and not belief. As it is, I KNOW what the Church teaches, and I BELIEVE it to be true. I can't prove it to you, and any attempt to prove it would contain the sort of false logic you see in my arithmetical example.

The fact that you wouldn't be able to prove to a third party whether or not I have a cup of tea on the table beside me (because you can't see me, don't know who I am, don't know where I live, and so have no way of objectively verifying my assertion) doesn't alter the fundamental and objective truth. Either there is a cup of tea here or there isn't.

And either there is a God or there isn't. I believe there is. Drac believes there isn't. Only one of us can be right. And neither of us can genuinely prove it one way or the other. The absence of a rock solid proof that is accessible to both of us does not disprove the existence of God.

We have a date

2007-11-14T22:12:00.001Z

It's taken a lot more effort than I expected, and you wouldn't believe the number of different people's needs we had to take into account in choosing the date, and the number of places we tried before we found somewhere that was available on the required date and could take the required number of people... but I think we're there.

This is where we're getting married.

And this is where we're having our reception.

And this is how excited I am about finally having it booked.

Tagged a long time ago

2007-11-13T23:50:00.000Z

Way back in the dim and distant past, before I went off on holiday, Amy Caroline tagged me for a meme. All you have to do is share seven things you like about yourself. Simple!

Errrrr....

Ummmmm.....

Do tags expire if you don't do them within a certain timeframe?

OK, well, I suppose....

Why IS it so hard to admit that there are things you like about yourself? Isn't false modesty just a form of pride anyway? Well, here goes:

1. Babies and small children seem to like me - not just my nephews and nieces, but friends' children too. I get a big kick out of being able to get a crying baby to sleep (New Man overheard my brother telling my sister-in-law, "Good Lord, my sister's a baby whisperer"), get a difficult toddler to eat, or be asked to join in the wonderfully involved imaginative play of a pre-schooler.

2. If someone I love needs help, I'll drop everything to be with them and do what needs to be done. Some of the things I've done have been quite big, sometimes it's as simple as entertaining my nieces while my sister has a nap, but it's always appreciated, and I'm lucky enough to have a number of people I know would do the same for me.

3. I never put work before friends and family. This does sometimes mean I have to put work before sleep or 'me' time, but that's OK - work puts food on the table, but friends and family feed my spirit.

4. I'm not obsessed with how I look. Or with how other people look. To me, everyone I love is beautiful.

5. I'm able to appreciate the beauty around me. If I'm travelling through beautiful countryside, I'll stop - or at the very least slow down - and enjoy the view, and try to remember to thank God for that moment.

6. I know the difference between luxuries and necessities. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy having luxuries, but I appreciate that having them is a privilege, and that I could live without them. I can still get a thrill of pleasure from putting my laundry in the washing machine or turning on a tap and having hot water come out of it.

7. If I say I'm going to do something, I don't give up until I've done it. As evidence, I present to you this post, which I said I'd do about three or four weeks ago.

Actually, this is quite a fun meme to do - it's nice to blow one's own trumpet every once in a while. I tag anyone who feels the need for a little ego massage - and please do let me know in the comment box when you've done it, so I can come and read about what a great person you are and then agree with you. :¬)

Time zones

2007-11-12T20:35:00.000Z

My niece has visited her American cousins this year, and occasionally talks to them on the phone, so she's not unfamiliar with the idea of people living in different time zones.

I phoned "Bob's Building Yard" (less than 20 miles from my home) at about 4:00 this afternoon, and when my niece answered the phone, I asked her, "What have you been doing today?"

There was a short pause, and then she said, "Well, actually, today hasn't finished yet at my house."

Proof

2007-11-12T18:28:00.000Z

There are those who demand 'proof' that God exists before they will believe in Him, and those who claim to have 'proof' that He doesn't exist.

I just found this little mathematical trick which shows that 'proof' is not necessarily infallible - I'm not a mathematician, but it all makes sense to me.

Theorem : 2 + 2 = 3

Proof:
Suppose: a + b = c
This can also be written as: 4a - 3a + 4b - 3b = 4c - 3c
After reorganising: 4a + 4b - 4c = 3a + 3b - 3c
Take the constants out of the brackets: 4 * (a+b-c) = 3 * (a+b-c)
Remove the same term left and right: 4 = 3
Therefore, if 2 + 2 = 4, then 2 + 2 = 3

The point is that once you have a hypothesis, it's very easy to 'prove' it one way or another. But God doesn't ask us to believe because we have proof - He asks us to believe because we have faith.

Remembrance Day

2007-11-11T22:29:00.000Z

In Flanders Fields

By Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)

Canadian Army

In Flanders fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields.

An answer to prayer?

2007-11-10T15:57:00.000Z

My parents were trying to get hold of a priest friend who has recently moved parishes. Although they knew which town he was in, they couldn't remember the name of his new parish, so my father decided to call each parish in the town concerned, in the hope of either finding him or finding someone who knew where he was.

It being Saturday morning, several of the numbers rang unanswered, but eventually my father found the right number and managed to speak to the priest he had been looking for.

Shortly afterwards, the phone rang at my parents' house. My father picked it up, and nearly fell off his chair when he heard a deep, gruff Yorkshire voice on the other end, saying:

"Hello, this is Our Lady of Lourdes. Were you trying to contact me?"

Blah blah blah blah blah

2007-11-10T12:06:00.000Z

Have you ever spent hours explaining a task to someone, only for them to go ahead and do exactly the opposite of what you asked them to do?

Or received a response to something you had said or written which indicated that the responder has clearly not taken in a word you said?

Or had someone tell you something as if it was new information, when you had told them the exact same thing some time earlier?

Or found out that something you thought had been agreed several weeks ago is actually still up in the air, because the other person didn't realise it had been agreed?

Or had someone repeat to you dozens of times that Option B is the best solution after you have made it clear that Option B is out of the question due to factors outside your control and you're trying to decide between Options A and C?

Or had someone demanding to know why you're aren't available at a time when you've already told them three times that you're going to be busy doing something else?

All of these things have happened to me this week, and I've found it quite frustrating.

Listening - it appears to be a dying art.

Chad Varah RIP

2007-11-10T01:02:00.000Z

Chad Varah, the founder of the Samaritans (and their affiliate, Befrienders Worldwide), has died aged 95. He was a vicar, who founded the Samaritans after conducting the funeral of a 13-year-old girl who had committed suicide.

The Samaritans offer confidential emotional support 24 hours a day by phone, e-mail, letter or face-to-face, to anyone experiencing feelings of distress or despair. Their website includes the following quote from a caller:

"There's very few places you can go to in the world where you can pick up a telephone and another human being, no matter why they're doing it, will listen to you unconditionally. If you want to pour out in a phonecall, they will listen for hours."

Chad Varah's son explained how his father saw the work of the Samaritans:

"My father described this befriending of the suicidal thus: There are in this world, in every country, people who seem to be 'ordinary', but who, when meeting a suicidal person, turn out to be extraordinary.

"They can usually save lives. How? They give the sad person their total attention. They completely forget themselves. They listen... and listen... and listen, without interrupting.

"If asked for advice, they say: 'You're the only person who can advise you well - what do you think you should do?' They have no message. They do not preach. They have nothing to sell.

"We call them 'Samaritans'."

More details here.

What a fantastic legacy this man has left. May he rest in peace - and may we all learn from him to judge a little less and listen a little more.

In the middle of the night

2007-11-09T23:16:00.000Z

My one-year-old niece has some teeth coming, and isn't sleeping too well at the moment. The other night, she started yelling at about two in the morning.

My sister rushed into the children's bedroom, to find the baby sitting up in her cot screaming, while from the other bed came a little voice, "Will you please be quiet - you might disturb me."

From a recent parish bulletin

2007-11-08T20:41:00.001Z

Several years ago, a preacher from out of state accepted a call to a church in Houston, Texas.

Some weeks after he arrived, he had an occasion to take the bus from his home to the downtown area. When he sat down, he discovered that the driver had accidentally given him a quarter too much change.

As he considered what to do, he thought to himself, "You'd better give the quarter back - it would be wrong to keep it."

Then he thought, "Oh, forget it - it's only a quarter. Who would worry about this little amount? Accept it as a gift from God and keep quiet."

When his stop came, he paused momentarily at the door, then he handed the quarter to the driver and said, "Here, you gave me too much change."

The driver, with a smile, replied, "Aren't you the new preacher in town? I have been thinking a lot lately about going somewhere to worship. I just wanted to see what you would do if I gave you too much change. I'll see you at church on Sunday."

When the preacher stepped off the bus, he grabbed the nearest light pole, held on, and said, "Oh God, I almost sold your Son for a quarter."

Our lives are the only Bible some people will ever read. Always be on guard and remember that you carry the name of Christ on your shoulders when you call yourself "Christian".

Mmmm, endorphins

2007-11-07T20:31:00.000Z

Not long before I went on holiday, I joined a gym. Now, I could bang on about how special, unusual and altogether ideal this gym is - but it would probably be the endorphins talking, as I've just got back from a good workout. Suffice to say, it offers a programme which suits me down to the ground.

One of the things they do at this gym is to weigh and measure you once a month and produce a graph for you of how you're doing. In the first month, I exercised for a week and a half, spent half a week babysitting and getting ready for my holiday, then ate red meat and cheesecake and drank Castle lager for two weeks, almost without stopping. So when I had my first weigh-in yesterday, I was not displeased to find that I had lost a whole pound.

At this rate, I should reach my target weight by about March 2012. Fortunately, though, I haven't yet managed to persuade my boss to give me two weeks' holiday every month, so I'm hoping the rate of weight loss may pick up a bit this month. One of the side effects of exercise for me is that after exercise, I can't bear to eat anything that might undo the good I've just done, so I've just eaten a very nice salad with king prawns.

Of course, I did say after exercise I can't bear to eat anything unhealthy. We won't mention what happens before exercise. I mean, it was my colleague's birthday, and it would have been rude to refuse those cream cakes.

Yes, that was plural. It was another colleague's last day in the office before he went off to get married. Well, having accepted the cake to celebrate the birthday, it would have been even ruder to refuse the cake to celebrate the wedding.

OK, maybe March 2012 is a realistic date for reaching my target weight, then. I don't care. I feel gooooood. They should bottle endorphins and sell them as a cure for depression...