Tuesday, 21 July 2009

The dangers of the internet

If I didn't have such a propensity to research everything to the nth degree on the internet, I would not now be questioning the authority of a priest who I believe to be a good and holy man. I would be accepting his advice, and my conscience would be less troubled than it is now. Who am I, or anyone else, to question what he has told me? Isn't this an unacceptable form of arrogance in me to believe that I know better than him?

New Man and I are still reeling from receiving the news last week that we will almost certainly never be able to conceive naturally. The consultant recommended ICSI. At the moment we're looking into embryo adoption as an alternative.

I'm sorry to say that the pain of our situation is made much greater by what I have read on the internet about the Church's teaching on this issue (despite the priest telling me that we have a medical problem and he believes that, as long as no embryos were destroyed or 'discarded' in the process, ICSI would be an acceptable treatment for that medical problem, since we would be bringing a much-wanted and much-loved child into a Catholic marriage and bringing it up in the Catholic faith), and also by the attitude of some of my friends.

Adoption in the UK these days is a process fraught with difficulty for people like us. We have three major strikes against us in the eyes of social services - namely, that we are middle class, that we're a heterosexual couple who are married to each other, and that we are Catholic. We're just not the sort of people they're looking for. We also have many other problems with the process of adoption here, which I won't go into. Embryo adoption sounds to us like the best solution for all sorts of reasons, but whatever ends up happening, we know we have a hard road ahead of us and are as likely as not to end up having to accept that we will never know the joy of being parents.

I think I'm going to take a break from this blog for a while - maybe for ever - so let me take this opportunity once again of thanking you for your prayers. I hope you'll continue to pray for us as we struggle with this situation we're in.


Ambrose said...

I really miss your blogging but I know that you have your real life to deal with. Many prayers for you and New Man.

berenike said...

O o o.


Anonymous said...

Hi, I was blog hopping today and came across your blog. My husband and I live in the United States, are devout Catholics, and are very involved in embryo adoption. While I don't know much about ICSI, if you want someone to talk to about embryo adoption, I'd be happy to help out. My email is zentay at hotmail.com Or, if you prefer, I have a blog that includes a lot of our personal EA journey (in addition to lots of other things).

I wish you all the best.



Colleen said...

You are most definitely in my prayers. God be with you!

embieadoptmom said...

We are doing embryo adoption right now. I have my transfer on August 11th. Praying God leads you down the right path! It's a miraculous journey!

Catholic Mom of 10 said...

Isn't the NAPRO LIFE thing helpful..in being able to offer support from the Catholic perspective? I could find out more.

Three couples..friends of mine are infertile..one couple are teachers & live out an excellent vocation that way.

Another evangelists & teachers of the faith & my other friends have adopted 6 children..one downs..2 from Hawaii, 2 South America & one China.

God bless..& will pray for you..

Amanda said...

I will add my prayers to those already pledged, it's very hard for you....sometimes one feels it that ignorance would provide an easier path to follow, but Jesus way has always been the narrow way.

I have researched this a bit as a Catholic GP and my understanding is that methods where actual fertillization occurs still inside the wife's body are acceptable in Church teaching. Therefore ICSI is dubious but something like GIFT is acceptable....CTS do a good booklet

I am sorry for your pain and will pray for God's grace for you both & that His plan unfolds as you honour Him.

Miss Ellen E. said...

Praying too.

Jen said...

We are Catholic as well and are currently 12 weeks pregnant with twins which we adopted as embryos. Since we believe life began at conception, these embryos have all of the same rights as other orphans. We have also adopted 5 children after birth. Please feel free to follow my blog: www.jensadoptionblessings@blogspot.com.


Buttercup said...

Thoughts and prayers are with you.

Beth said...

Oh L I will miss you!!! I'm so sorry you got this news. May God bless you in your journey to become parents!!! Keep in touch with facebook and email!

Anonymous said...


Wonderful article about Embryo Adoption, stated clearly and beautifully.