Sunday, 31 May 2009

A year today

New Man and I have been married a whole year. It's been an amazing year - one with its ups and downs, its difficulties and its unexpected pleasures.

When we married, New Man was 45 and I was 38. We were both used to living on our own, and it wasn't always easy learning to live together. A year on, New Man almost always hangs his towel up properly in the bathroom and rinses the basin after he's shaved and then spread toothpaste everywhere, and I'm getting better at sorting out the mail straight away, shredding the junk mail with our address on, putting the rest of the junk in the recycling and filing the one or two important items rather than just leave everything to pile up over the weeks.

365 times, the last thing we've said to each other before we fall asleep is "I love you", and the first thing we've done in the morning is roll towards each other and kiss good morning.

We eat together, go for walks together, make plans together, laugh together (a lot), enjoy buying each other little presents, and pray together.

The first year of marriage has been great - we're both looking forward to many more.

Wednesday, 27 May 2009

Long summer evenings

New Man and I have been having a bit of trouble fitting enough exercise into our schedule, but for the moment - at least as long as we have these lovely long summer evenings - I think we've got it cracked.

We live in a very hilly area, and over the last couple of weeks we have started going for a walk after supper every evening. We've got to know parts of the town that we hadn't seen before, slept well after a bit of healthy exercise, and - more than anything - enjoyed just being together and chatting about this and that.

There are so many distractions at home - television and chores to name just the two biggest - and it's easy to sit side by side all evening without ever actually communicating, slaves to the big box in the corner of the room. The distractions that we have on our walks - "Oooh, look at that", "Would you like to live in a house like that?", "What a beautiful sunset" - are things that make us talk to each other more rather than less, and we each spend most of the day looking forward to spending that time together in the evening.

My sister told me that my 2-year-old niece was looking at our wedding album this week at my parents' house, and having great fun pointing out all her relatives and naming them. She came to a picture of New Man and me walking out of the church holding hands and gleefully said our names, then in tones of great satisfaction she said, "They best friends."

I'm glad she noticed, and even gladder that she's right - and at the moment I'm really hoping it stops raining by this evening so I can go on my daily walk with my best friend.

Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Another whinge, I'm afraid

I've got lots of nice positive things to talk about in the next few weeks, but today I'm feeling miserable. I'm just waiting for the fertility clinic to ring me back so I can make an appointment for some tests - I've been putting it off for ages, but now I just really need some answers. New Man is being very supportive, and he wants this as badly as I do, so we share the feelings of crushing disappointment every 26 days or so, then pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and get ready to board the rollercoaster again.

Over the last year (14 lots of 26 days, in case you haven't been counting as obsessively as we have), we've learnt an awful lot - about ourselves and about each other. I've also learnt what sometimes seems like a whole new language as I communicate in abbreviations with other women who are going through the same thing - the internet is a great thing for bringing people together like this. I've had all sorts of needles stuck in me, taken huge quantities of Chinese herbs, and prayed and prayed and prayed.

I know God is listening, but what if motherhood is not part of His plan for me? What if He is actually trying to push me a different way? When do I give up and start listening to what God really wants me to do? I want this so badly, but if God wants me to do something else instead, I need to try to subordinate my will to His.

So now I'm waiting for a phone call, then I'll be waiting probably about four weeks for an appointment, then a bit longer to get all the tests done and hear the results, and then we'll know.

I suppose I'm asking for your prayers again - that we get to be parents, but if that doesn't happen, that we learn to accept it and follow God's Will, whatever that may be.

Sunday, 24 May 2009

Still alive...

Well, I suppose Communications Sunday is as good a day as any to try to start posting more regularly again...

So, what's been going on?

Well, Beth has had her beautiful little boy, and John Paul was baptised this weekend. I'm enjoying looking at his pictures and hearing how he and Madeleine and enjoying each other.

I've been praying daily for little Jonah and his family. Jonah is a beautiful little boy who was born in February with a rare genetic skin disorder called Epidermolysis Bullosa. His mother posts regular updates on his condition, and I hope it gives her some comfort to know that there are people all over the world who are praying for her family.

I've also been praying for Faith Hope, who was diagnosed in the womb with anencephaly. Her mother was strongly advised to "terminate" her, and told that she had a 0% chance of survival, but Faith defied the odds and lived for just over three months. Her mother's blog was a wonderfully positive message of love for Faith and for God, and I hope all the photos, videos and memories that Myah has of Faith and the faith that she has in God will be a comfort to her in the weeks and months to come.

Life has been pretty busy here, and I have a few things I hope to blog about if I have time over the next few weeks. I've kept thinking I must get back before I get culled from Mac's blogroll, so I'm off to bed now, but will hopefully be back on here tomorrow.

Night night.