I don't like to worry, it is kind of like self torture but I have such a hard time trying not to. I *know* I am supposed to pray and give it up to God, knowing he has infinite wisdom in his plan for me, for my life, for the lives of my loved ones. The thing is... I am still pretty new to my faith and it is not as rock solid as it should be sometimes. I have doubts, I have fears.Well, I'm not particularly new to my faith. I'm a cradle Catholic, I've never been away from the Church, and I made a conscious choice as an adult to continue to try to grow in my faith. And yet there I was, reading blogs when I should have been working, because I was so worried that I couldn't concentrate on my work.
The thing is, as we grow older we realise that bad things DO happen, even to the nicest people. People we love can get very sick, and even die, and we can see them suffer horribly and not be able to take the pain away. The insouciance of extreme youth is gradually replaced by caution and realism: the knowledge that things can go horribly wrong in a heartbeat. The love of another human being can cause us great joy, but it can also cause us great suffering, because their pain is our pain.
Jesus Himself knew not only pain but also fear, and in the Garden of Gethsemane He begged to be relieved of what He knew He was about to suffer. When God asks us to trust Him, He doesn't ask us to stop being human. When you put your faith in God and know that He loves you, it doesn't prevent you feeling worried, angry, frustrated, unhappy and many other negative emotions at times. But like Jesus, we try to say, "Thy Will be done" and know that God will give us the strength to get through this.
The great gift God gives us is prayer. When we're utterly helpless and there's nothing else we can do, we can pray. When our minds are full of negative thoughts and we can't help imagining the worst, we can ask Him for help. We might even see our worries at times as a little nudge to remind us to pray. It doesn't make the problems go away. It doesn't even necessarily make the worries go away, because we're human and to be human means to be frail and fallible. But it does give us the strength to carry those worries and not to be overwhelmed by them.
I have no idea how people cope with the trials of life without the support of prayer and the love of God. It's one of the graces I thank God for, and often pray that others will receive.
Oh, and that thing I was worrying about this morning? It's fine. I think. But maybe I'd better stop and say another quick prayer...