Sunday, 18 March 2007

Tortured English

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable."

In a Paris hotel lift: "Please leave your values at the front desk."

In a hotel in Athens: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."

In a Japanese hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: "You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: "Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension."

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs."

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: "Drop your trousers here for best results."

Outside a Paris dress shop: "Dresses for street walking."

In a Rhodes tailor shop: "Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist [my personal favourite]: "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists."

In a Rome laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."

In the office of a Roman doctor: "Specialist in women and other diseases."

In an Acapulco hotel: "The manager has personally passed all the water served here."

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