Monday, 26 February 2007

Looking at the future

Every year for the last few years, I have been given one of those page-a-day desk calendars for Christmas. I enjoy reading the new page each morning, and never look ahead to see what's coming next. My brother, on the other hand, picks up my calendar whenever he comes round and reads the whole thing from end to end - while I sit there saying, "You shouldn't look at the future. Stop it!"

Well, part of my Lenten reading for this year is a little booklet which has a page for each day of Lent. Each page consists of a gospel verse, a short meditation and a prayer. Each evening, as I read and reflect on the page of the day, I'm tempted to read on and look at the future. One reason I stop myself is that I often feel that the reading and meditation have a particular resonance for me on the particular day in question.

Take Thursday, for instance. I was starting to toy with the idea of starting a blog, which would contain, among other things, musings about my spiritual life. This was how the reading for the day began:

"'When you pray, go to your private room and pray to your Father who is in that secret place.' (Matthew 6:6)

The spiritual life is interior and hidden. God sees what is done in secret. God knows and sees our hearts..."

OK, fair enough, I thought - no blog. But then I was itching to comment on something else, and on Saturday I thought again about starting a blog. The scripture for the day was "Your Father who sees all that is done in secret, he will reward you" (Matthew 6:18). As I drifted off to sleep that night, I resolved to start a diary instead. You know, a nice black pen, a fresh new notebook and my secret thoughts shared only between me, God and the page.

Well, that resolve lasted all of 22 hours! Maybe He was just telling me to keep my blog anonymous...

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